Goodbyes

No one wants to think about this life ending. Well, most people don't. Deep in my gut I feel that life as we know it is ending. It's changing right before our very eyes. I've accepted it. I'm resigned to it, and I'm ok. The Lord has given me peace in my mind. 

I have been a born again believer for almost six years. I didn't really understand the term 'born again' until I actually experienced the transformation of my own mind and heart. Since then I have been on a daily journey to grow closer to Christ and to use my time on earth to help those around me. The past few years I have prayed daily that my eyes would be opened and I would see the world for what it truly is. 

My family and I went to Disney World in September 2019. This was our fourth trip over the course of four years. We loved the feeling of being in the bubble. It was almost like a drug. I had this feeling that I needed to enjoy that trip to my fullest because it would be our very last chance to go to Disney World. We even had a trip booked for this past year because my husband insisted, but obviously due to coronavirus that was cancelled. And I was not surprised. Since then I have slowly felt like I've been saying goodbye to certain events in my life. I find myself enjoying my time and experiences because they could very well be the last time I do a particular thing. I find myself thinking about my past 36 years and I have really done so many things that has made it fulfilling. I've traveled, have good health, live near my family. I feel very fortunate. 

I do wonder what the future will look like for my kids. I know children are probably more resilient than most adults, but it does hurt my heart a little that they will not get to experience life the way I did. But if they don't have my past to compare it with, will it really be that terrible for them? I don't know. I guess it will be what they make of it. If they can find contentment in their own minds they will be much better off. Just don't look to external sources for your joy.