for such a time as this

 As far as I can remember, I have felt this deep feeling that I was made to do something important, something that would make a difference. I never knew what though, and I never felt obligated or motivated to do anything out of the way. I've always been fairly content leisurely doing the things that made me happy, but never excelling in them. Any job that I've ever had was just for money, and not doing anything I loved. It was a means to and end, but my job never defined me. I dropped out of college, got married, had two kids. Throughout this all, in the back of my head I still always thought I was meant for something, I just never went out of my way to search for it. I know a lot about mental illnesses and I also understood that this could be some sort of delusion of grandeur. Are delusional people aware they are delusional? No. I have been delusional a few times in the past and I never realized it at the time. I acknowledge that admitting thinking I was born for something great sounds delusional. But I just can't explain it, and I doubt I'm the only person that has felt that way. I'm sure this entire paragraph makes a potential reader question my current mental state. (I'm good. I promise.) 

When I met Christ the part of me that thought I was made for greatness disappeared. It was like he closed a hole in me that I didn't realize existed. I thought HE was the good thing I was supposed to accomplish. And that is amazing on it's own. I don't want to diminish that at all, but I wonder if there's more to it. 

The only thing I've really ever been motivated to learn about were conspiracies, the supernatural, and occult stuff. I've always been fascinated and I consider myself very knowledgeable about subjects like that. When I first read the bible I started to see how so many things are connected and I began really digging into end times studies and prophecy. Due to mental experiences in the past, sometimes I question myself. Am I teetering on the edge of sanity, or is this real? But since becoming a believer, my gut has told me that Jesus would return in my lifetime. And I realize that believers since the first century have thought they were living in the end times. So maybe I'm just seeing things that I want to see, and making connections where there are just coincidence. But I don't believe that's true. 

I look around the world and think about when Jesus and the prophets talk about the end times. I think of how it says that people will be lovers of themselves and that people will acknowledge there is a God but deny his power. I think about how the bible says children will disrespect their parents and the hearts of men will grow cold. I believe the beginning of transhumanism and the fact that only a few companies own everything are factors that are making way for the beast system and the mark. 

God has brought specific people into my life to discuss things like this with, and I am so grateful. Some are people I've never met in real life, but they are thinking and feeling the exact same things that I am. My brothers and sisters all over the world. I feel like the Lord is waking up his church, drawing us together, and refining us to be warriors in the end times. I am such an awkward introvert, but on the inside I feel like a spiritual warrior. I am at such peace, but I can literally imagine this lion roaring in my chest. And I know that I was made for such a time as this. I've often wondered why I was born when I've never particularly understood the point of life. It has never been very appealing to me, even when I am happy. But now, there's this feeling resonating through me that this is the reason I was born. The world is going to need fearless spiritual warriors for Christ in these end time days. 

And maybe I'm wrong. But I have prayed about this a lot, and I feel like the signs are everywhere. If anything, it makes me more on fire for the Lord, and there's nothing wrong with that. 

I know it can sound very arrogant to someone that doesn't understand, but it's actually a very humbling feeling to be chosen to be alive right now. Because I am a no one. It feels like a gift. Like this time is going to be very significant and we have a chance to impact many people and lead them to Christ. 

Whatever happens next in America really doesn't matter to me. I know it's going to be a tough time no matter what. But I just don't care. I have the peace of God in my heart every single day, and I am spiritually preparing myself for anything. I am all in, and I will not be caught off guard. 

Leave those lamps burning.