we used to speak in song lyrics

Yesterday we went to a 20th birthday party for Peppy's cousin. When we got home Owsley asked if that was what Peppy looked like when he was 20. Luckily for me, I've had the same email address for over 18 years, so I can pull up all those old correspondences and smile (and sometimes cringe.)

Peppy and I had a whirlwind romance. We dated long distance for three months and then eloped. Throughout that three months we were emailing each other nonstop, and then after 9 pm we could call each other. Remember back when minutes were free after 9? I was checking the time stamps on some of the emails I sent and apparently when I was in my early 20s I had the ability to stay up much later than I can today. 

When I moved in with Peppy there was a lot of family drama. I hurt my family in ways that I never imagined I ever would. Not trying to justify myself, but I knew I was supposed to marry Peppy. Before Peppy, I got tired of boyfriends after a month. Due to this factor, I honestly thought I would never get married. How could I remain married until death when I got bored of relationships so easily? But Peppy saw me. He really saw me. When we met, we were both in pretty dark places in our lives. We were both upfront with all the skeletons in our closets and gave each other the option to opt out.  Over the course of my life there have been a handful of things that I have just known would happen deep in my gut, and this was one of them. This was the first time in my life that I did what was right for me without worrying about hurting anyone else. I had never in my life put my own feelings above those of my parents. And despite the awareness of what my moving out would do to my family, I did it anyway. I had to. Waiting was just prolonging the inevitable. 

So last night after I found a younger picture of Peppy to show Owsley, I began at the beginning of our relationship and read a years worth of emails. I think it was good for me to read these things. I have never stopped loving Peppy, but after fifteen years of marriage, two kids, five moves,work stresses, and deaths of loved ones- people change. Priorities shift without us even realizing it until it's too late. We forget that sometimes people need to hear confirmation that you still feel the same. 

Without further adieu, I present to you, a love story. (All the quoted emails were from Peppy.) I kind of hate how people text now. I miss our emails. 

First, (just turned) 21 year old Deanna and Peppy. Look at those babies.

And now some excerpts from Peppy's emails to me. I want to keep these at the front of my heart and mind. Sometimes I need that reminder of the people we were before kids and stress and life got in the way. 

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The past 15 years with Peppy have not exactly turned out how we planned, and that's ok. Basically my life motto has always been "Expect the worst. That way if something good happens it's always a pleasant surprise." I don't really believe in soul mates. I'm sure there are lots of people that we would be compatible with, but I cannot deny the tug I felt when I met Peppy. Neither of us were looking for relationships, and physically I was taller and not petite and tiny like the girls he had previously dated, and he was definitely not as tall as the guys I was normally attracted to. But I cannot deny the magnetic pull we had. We knew less than a month in that this was it. He was my person. I was his person. It would be nice to temporarily be as carefree as we were when we first met. No kids. No huge responsibilities. I wish that time would have lasted a little longer, but I am thankful to have access to these emails. 15 years later I feel like I can safely say we were right. I even have a good relationship with my parents now.  And I'm married to my best friend. Sometimes everything works out in the end.