living can feel like a chore

If you are reading this, I could use some prayers. I don't even know how to go about explaining what I'm feeling (or not feeling, for that matter.) Feelings and emotions are so hard to put into something tangible. In The Dark Crystal the gelflings can share experiences through what they call the dream space. That would be nice sometimes. When you can't put into words what you want to say, you just touch fingers and suddenly that person is literally experiencing life from your perspective.

I thought I had a breakthrough the other day because I started crying at Willie Nelson's cover of The Scientist. But it must have just been hormones because I'm back to being an apathetic robot person. I was momentarily on the other side of the fog. But it was just a glitch in the matrix apparently. (I'm not even sure if I posted about this already. My lack of short term memory recall is such a total bummer.)

Being alive right now is draining. Sometimes I don't even want to try anymore. There are days where I don't want to be the better person. And here's the thing, I know it's only going to get harder. 

"Here is a call for endurance of the saints, those who keep the commandments of God and their faith in Jesus." Revelations 14:12

Endurance. Bleh. Sometimes I'm such a petulant child. Sometimes I'm so ready to be on the other side. 

Yesterday I was in the grocery store and no matter what aisle I happened to be on, I kept seeing the same mom and young child. The kid was coughing his head off. They were both masked, but the kid had that deep hacking cough that hurts just to hear. People are pretty divided on masks right now, but I was surprised to overhear the mother say, "Be sure that you're coughing in the direction of anyone not wearing a mask."

I know that sounds like "yeah, right, that really happened." And it does sound insane, but that's where we live right now. Upside down clown world. Divisions wherever you look. Distractions to keep you from looking.

"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." Ecclesiastes 1:18 

I think I'm in the mood King Solomon was in when he wrote Ecclesiastes. Anyway, prayers please.