be kind. rewind.

Remember renting VHS tapes? And the absolute agony of putting the tape in and immediately seeing the end credits? The person before you wasn't kind. They didn't rewind. 

This post has nothing to do with that. 

I participate in a few daily devotionals that my friend Stacy sets up for a group of us, and it seems like the reoccurring theme lately has been kindness. Then last Sunday our evening church service started back up, and the lesson was on being kind and finding joy in those around you. I feel like this theme is following me everywhere, and it's especially prevalent for me considering I'm still not really feeling anything. How can I find joy when I currently have the inability to feel much of anything? 

I am an introvert. This comes as no surprise. I am either quiet and observing, or I'm a million miles away in some place where no other human can reach. I can definitely get obnoxious and silly, depending on my company (or in my solitude,) but for the most part I am a wallflower. Content to sit and watch, or just be still and think. Sometimes I have to have these little pep talks with myself as reminders to be sure to look people in the eye when I'm talking to them and not zone off into lala land. Because it's so easy. It's not intentional, it just happens. As an introvert, it does not come naturally to me to seek out small talk. On the contrary, I don't really understand the concept of small talk. Or at least, I didn't until recently.

I think most people are just looking for connections throughout the day, no matter how brief those may be. Peppy tells me that I'm the nicest person he knows. Maybe that's true. I highly doubt it though. But it's one thing to be nice to those that see you every day. It's another thing to show unexpected kindness to a complete stranger. 

I am trying to be more intentional with brief interactions I have with strangers. I'm trying to look up and smile more (because for the most part masks are OVER where I live. Yesssss!!) I still prefer deep conversations that make you think, but I acknowledge that right now people just want a connection. You can see their eyes actually light up when you give them a genuine smile. You can see them visibly relax when they realize another human is not scared to be around them. This past year has psychologically hurt many of us! Some people don't even notice the walls they have put up around themselves until they actually start coming down. 

I will tell you that on these days when I've had a brief connection with a random stranger, I have gotten back into my car with a lighter feeling in my heart. I had felt something. I want that. I need that. I think more than anything, we just want to know that we aren't alone.