I really have no advice here, because there's no one size fits all parenting advice. And even if you have multiple kids and try to raise them fairly, no two children are going to be the same. But let me tell you, the hormones are real. Very real. I can tell you how I deal with that. But first, I would like to give you examples of all the reasons Gage has given me the death glare today. (I typed this up on Saturday.) I think he believes I'm intimidated by this particular look, but who does he think he inherited it from?
1.We took the kids to lunch at Chikfila. They were very busy and I asked Gage to find us a table while we ordered. (glare #1) Unfortunately they were completely out of CO2 and so the soda machine was down. (glare #2. How was that even my fault!?!)
3. Later in the afternoon he realized he finished off the chocolate animal crackers Friday and no one has gone to the store Saturday. (glare #3) Apparently I should have been a mind reader and teleported to the store.
4. I asked him to please remember to tell me when he finishes off a food item that he enjoys, so that I will add it to the list. (glare #4) How dare I make such a suggestion to his majesty??
5. He's been looking for this one particular graphics card that he's saved up a lot of money for, but we're not having luck finding it. He was complaining about how bad his laptop is, and when I told him we (as in me, Peppy, and Gage) need to be more diligent watching certain twitter accounts when they release information drops about the graphics card he blew up on me.(glare #5) Somehow this was interpreted as me blaming everything on him, all the time, which ended up in not just a death glare, but a rant on how I turn everything into his fault. I just sat there at the table while he went off on me. I have prayed for wisdom over this, and I think the main thing is that he just doesn't see it get a rise from me. Which due to longhaul anhedonia, it's a piece of cake most days.
I try to remind myself of how I feel on my worst hormonal days, and I guess that's what it's like being a teenage boy going through puberty. I don't remember being so angry. Instead I was in love with a new person every day. So maybe that's how it's different between the sexes. I do remember my younger brother having some anger problems though. It does often seem like on certain days Gage stalks around in an angry cloud. I've learning when to just let him be. I get it. I used to track my most hormonal days and intentionally stay away from people. I can sense when he needs to just be left alone.
And then on certain days it's like he goes out of his way to argue with us no matter what we say. Like Katherine and Petruchio in the Taming of the Shrew. I'll give you one guess who the shrew is in this analogy. It's not me.
I try to pick my battles. Not many things are worth me arguing with Gage over, except being blatantly and intentionally rude. And even sometimes I just ignore that because Gage is not a terrible person at all. I've just learned it's better not to poke the dragon. I really felt like we'd had a pretty decent last six months drama-wise. But a friend of mine at the food bank with two grown sons has warned me that 14 was much worse for both of them. So I'm trying to keep that in mind. I also try to keep in my mind that Gage inherited every quiet, introverted trait that Peppy and I possess. Gage is an intelligent, creative person, but he is having a tough time coming to terms with the fact that the world doesn't revolve around him, and that as he gets bigger, we will require more responsibilities from him. It is also a struggle some days because he refuses to see himself as a child, and believes he should be mine and Peppy's peer. But although he wants to grow up, he doesn't want to accept the responsibilities that come along with that.
I sometimes chase Gage around the house and tell him how much I love him. Hah. I just want to make sure he always knows, because I feel like he probably feels like the odd man out at times, but that is only because Owsley chooses to be around me or Peppy most of the time. Gage is always welcome, he just generally chooses to be left alone. (I can respect that. I am created similarly.)
I try to find common interests that we can bond over. Like Ancient Aliens. He loves watching that show and I think he is actually pretty impressed that I know a lot of things on the show. He never admits that, but I can tell he's always surprised when they mention something that I have told him before. Sometimes I think he might think I'm an out of touch idiot. Just a personal observation. He really has no clue how NOT NAIVE I am. Ah, one day he will see. It may be years from now. Since having children I have apologized to my parents so many times.
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