We made it through the first week of school, and aside from a very emotional moment on the first day when Owsley decided he did not have it in him to remember the rules of long division, everything else went very smoothly. Gage even enjoys his online classes, which is a surprise. Well, when I say enjoys, I mean he doesn't hate it.
I did get a text from Peppy one day when I was at the food bank that made me laugh out loud. He said Owsley was sitting, diligently working on his school work, and Gage was just staring at a blank screen. Alas, that is my child. With the super ability to zone out and not live in this world. It's called maladaptive daydreaming and I didn't even know it was a thing until I was an adult. Fortunately I grew out of it. And while I may not know the places Gage lives in his brain, I do understand them.
I've had a lot on my mind lately, although I still can't concentrate on much other than typing or watching a movie, and even then I find myself falling asleep in the last twenty minutes. I mean, come on. I do my best to stay awake and then I don't even see how it ends. This happened twice this weekend. I was watching two movies I found on Netflix, Beckett and Selfless, and both nights I fell asleep at the very end. And this wasn't late either. It was like 9 pm. Sunday nights are our Marvel nights and last night was one of the Avengers movies. So many explosions and so much fighting. My brain goes overboard with stimulation and just shuts down. I'm not going to lie, I do grieve a little bit at my loss of ability to sit down and read a book. Or to even find anything that sounds remotely interesting. I am another one of those restless cycles where I want to find something to do, some project to take on, but nothing sounds exciting. I am walking and hula hooping so much. Some days I just cannot sit still. I think I'm going to bust out the accordion. Now that I have a laptop again it will be much easier to find some sheet music that I want to try out. And I really would enjoy being able to say I mastered that thing.
I feel moved to pray for the people in Afghanistan, and the people in New Orleans (and all those affected by Ida) are really on my mind too. When Peppy and I went to Nola three years ago, you could still see remainders of Hurricane Katrina from over 10 years prior. Gage asked why they didn't just move. Well, not everyone has the resources to just move. There is just so much real hurt in the world right now that we should be focused on, but instead we just bicker over trivial things.
I am also hurting for the church. Especially the sector that has the mindset that they are the only ones right, and everyone else is condemned to hell. No one is perfect. Many of us are trying our hardest, and not a single human is getting everything biblically correct. From translation errors, to just living in a different time than the first century Christians, we are all getting something wrong. And there are certain religions, that refuse to call themselves religions, that believe they are the only ones going to Heaven, and it absolutely breaks my heart. I know God's children from a plethora of different denominations and congregations, and I believe he has them all there for a reason. If you know Jesus personally, he is not going to deny you.
I have wrestled with the Lord about where we attend, but I do believe he has us there for a reason. I come home from service feeling discouraged at times, but I suppose that just makes me pray and study all the harder. I just don't understand how people can believe a pastor/preacher/priest without reading scripture on their own. Why even go to church if you aren't doing anything to spiritually build yourself up during the week? It your own responsibility to work out your salvation. The last thing I want to be is a fraud.
We have vacation in less than two weeks and usually about this time I'd be manic and excited, but the lack of my emotions is keeping me from going happy crazy, and I do miss that a little. I know we will have a good time. Just like I always have a good time at Six Flags with Owsley. I just wish I could feel it. Even though I do feel like a part of me had returned over the past six weeks, I'm still just not getting that dopamine. I laugh and am happy, but there's just not that joyful anticipation. It is also weird to be aware of that. But, on the plus side, if there are annoying people they won't get on my nerves either. Because I often feel like a general observer without a point of view.
Ah, another wall of text post about nothing in particular. I think these may be my favorite, because I just sit down and the words fly out. It feels good. Maybe like therapy. I wouldn't know. Usually I'm the one that's the good listener.
You know, I would like to add pictures to these wall of texts posts, but I literally have nothing new on my phone roll.
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