how to disappear completely

Since coming back from our trip I've regressed a little with my brain fog. I don't know if maybe it was the over exerting my body (even though I walk an hour a day and hulu hoop 30 minutes almost every day) or maybe too much stimuli, but my brain seems to have broken again. I think it was probably too much stimuli though, because I have read three books over the past two weeks as well. Sometimes it's like I can literally feel my brain stretching from overuse. 

I can put together sentences in a blog post, but I'm back to stumbling over my words again when I talk out loud. I own it now though. What else can I do? If I'm talking and can't think of a word, I just admit to it. Or I acknowledge when I lose a thought. Owsley joins me on my daily walks and I've also noticed he's had a harder time with losing his train of thought since we've gotten back home. 

Monday night I was sitting on the couch, completely out of it. Peppy was grilling kabobs and I was just waiting on when I needed to start on the side dishes. I just zoned out and looked at Gage and thought "when did you get so big? How did this happen?" And for a brief moment I thought "who am I?" It reminded me of back in March when I was in the grocery store and had a brief moment of "where am I?"

Previous to that, Owsley and I had been walking and we started doing some spastic cardio dancing down the driveway and I legitimately could not feel my heart beat racing at all. I actually made note of it and thought maybe I could continue to run forever, because I couldn't feel the sensation of my heart beating fast. I know there's a relationship between dopamine and adrenaline. Too little dopamine can equal Parkinson's, and too much can equal schizophrenia, so at least I don't have to worry about hallucinating. Due to my lack of fight or flight response, most days I feel like the hybrid between a super hero and an idiot. I know I've mentioned feeling much more courageous speaking in public. My heart used to race just thinking about speaking in a crowd, but now sometimes it feels like there's a gaping hole where my heart is. I've googled this and can't find anything similar. 

Fortunately no one pays much attention to me most of the time. No one really sees me.  And if I were some place that I couldn't just zone out when necessary, I'd bring a prop. Like a book. And then I could basically disappear completely.