you get what you get, and you don't pitch a fit

I try not to feel sorry for myself. I really do. But sometimes it hasn't been my day (or month, or even my year.) And sometimes I get the best, or worst, of myself. Or what is left of myself. Like I said, I try not to dwell on my current deficiencies, because if I thought about it too hard it would REALLY bum me out that I couldn't figure out how to spell 'deficiency.' Or how about how I was in the car yesterday singing along to Emo Halloweeno (perhaps the only good thing about XM radio) and I was singing along to this song, and I knew all the lyrics, and then I looked at the band name and realized I had never heard of them before. So how did I know that song? Then a part of my brain slowly caught up and I realized that obviously I had heard of Something Corporate before. They were popular when I was in high school. I could even see the lead singer's face in my mind. 

I try to find the humour in it. That's really all I can do.

I used to read my bible chronologically, and I still do at times that my brain is willing to cooperate. I feel like my relationship with the Lord has been strained this year, not because I'm doing anything I shouldn't be doing. I bring everything to him and he knows me better than myself, although if I'm being honest, many of my prayers over the last few months have just been mostly me zoning out and then coming back to twenty minutes later. I do find so much solace in that the Lord knows my heart, even if I can't feel it myself, I know he has it. He knows I am literally trying the best I can, and some days I just don't feel like I live in this body anymore.

So anyway, I was feeling a little defeated and asked God to please give me something to hang on to. I randomly opened my bible to Ezekiel and thought, "Oh yay. Ezekiel. This is sure to be uplifting." ::insert much sarcasm:: But then I read the passage that I opened directly to:

"For thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness. And I will bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. --I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I will make them lie down, declares the Lord God. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and strengthen the weak." Ezekiel 34:11-13, 15-16

So, thank you, Lord. I really did need to read that.