ticking away the moments that make up a dull day

I've got so much free time lately. The kids are pretty self sufficient with school work, aside from math with Owsley. Now that they are older they need me less, or at least the things they need me for take up way less time than the things they needed me for when they were smaller. And with Peppy working from home, there's someone always here with the kids. Even though I don't have a problem with leaving them alone for certain periods of time.

Although I volunteer twice a week, we also try to have a schedule to break up our days so they are not so monotonous. I have found this imperative in keeping a semblance of normalcy the past two years. It is interesting that this former happy homebody is looking for more ways to spend my time, because most days I want to climb the walls with restless energy and a mind that cannot concentrate long enough to do the things I used to enjoy.

Today I was working a booth for the organization I volunteer for at a community fair for high school kids. The lady a few booths over was there for hospice and their Camp Hope program, and something on my heart told me to go talk to her. I've thought about volunteering for hospice many times in the past, but my overwhelming emotions (and lack of free time) have kept me away. But new Deanna? Well, this might be a perfect fit for her. 

I went to a funeral last month and it was the first time in my life that I didn't burst into tears and look like an absolute maniac when I hugged the family and told them I was sorry for their loss. In my past life it was almost like I picked up on the grief of the family, and even if I didn't know the deceased family member I ended up looking like a blubbering mess. I hated funerals not because I didn't want to support the loved ones of the family, but because I could not control myself. Going to the funeral last month and being able to speak freely without looking like it was all about me was very freeing. And surreal. 

I have been praying a lot lately for the Lord to bring me ways to use my time wisely and productively. I thought about getting a job, but I do want to be around for the kids. Just because Peppy is home now doesn't mean he can immediately drop whatever he's doing and cater to the kids. Owsley still enjoys spending time with me, playing board games and taking walks, and I do want to savour that time I have with him. 

So now I just have to have a background check and attend a training course. It sounds odd to say I'm excited to volunteer for hospice, but I do think I will be a good fit. I have so much empathy and now without overwhelming and uncontrollable emotions, I believe I can be of service to the clients and their families.