This morning I woke up and for the first time in a year (?!?) I was able to visually see things in my mind while I was reading the bible. I am seriously amazed and grateful. I know it has only been a week, but I am definitely experiencing some positive changes. I am not 'back to normal' or even back to who I used to be, but I will settle on a new normal, as long as that person is functioning. I feel like I have returned to my body and that I'm not floating around a few dimensions removed from everyone else.
I started this as a daily chronicle, mostly for my own benefit, so that I could look back and see changes. I don't know if I will keep it up (probably not unless something insane happens,) but as a writer with short term memory loss, I wanted to keep documentation for when I go back to see Dr. A. Plus, sometimes you don't notice changes until you look back. I don't expect anyone to read it.
Day 1: Took my first pill on an empty stomach at 5 am. I didn't feel any noticeable effects, positive or negative. I was in the shower a few hours later and decided that instead of feeling fuzzy in my brain, it now felt like a black empty hallway. You know like on Stranger Things when they are in a sensory deprivation chamber in order to get access to the Upside Down? Yeah, well instead of a fog it just feels like I'm walking down a long, pitch black hallway in the Upside Down without running into anyone else. It is hard to say if this is the pill or my imagination. OR the fact that my brain fog always lifts a little after my period. So many variables.
I didn't feel any more energy than normal. I felt pretty average and then suddenly around 2 pm I was really tired and ended up napping for around 2 hours, and then I went to bed at 9 pm with no problem. For a 'stimulating' antidepressant, it has not affected my sleep or energy levels. But at least I didn't get nauseous or a bad headache or anything. It would be hard to keep up with a medicine that had a really annoying side effect.
I did read a little on my kindle from a book about the dark net. It was pretty easy to read, but the chapters are short, and each chapter is about something new. Sometimes I am able to read short things like that.
Day 2: Woke up at 5:30 and took my second pill. I didn't notice a difference in my (in)ability to pray coherently or without my train of thought completely running away with me. Still had difficulty with revelation. Hard for me to even believe I've read this so many times and that it used to connect so easily. But I do feel less fuzzy. Although, like I said, it could just be hormone related. So I guess unless my hair starts falling out in clumps or I suddenly develop yet another new personality, I'll keep taking this.
I ended up ordering quercetin, niacin, and melatonin last night. The doctor said these would help with brain inflammation the most. So we will see. I didn't take a nap today, but I was watching Warrior Nuns (it is much better than the name suggests) and was ready for bed before 8:30. I did notice I wasn't very hungry today, but that also could go hand in hand with the sunshine. I tend to not eat as much when the weather is warmer.
Day 3: I woke up this morning at 4:50 feeling pretty clear headed. This doesn't mean I was able to focus any better during my prayer time or bible reading, but it did feel like everything was sharper and less fuzzy. I was driving yesterday and it felt like things weren't as bland as they used to be and things looked more vibrant. The tension in my body is still gone, and I did notice that Owsley was making this annoying slurping sound that he knows I hate, and I didn't really mind so much.
I am still noticing all the anxiety that melted from my body. My body feels so much lighter and 20 years younger. My brother told me that I wouldn't feel effects for about two weeks, but I promise you, the absence of anxiety that my body was carrying was noticeable from day one. I didn't even know I was carrying it around until it was gone.
I didn't need to nap today, but I did pull a chair in the sun. Sleep didn't immediately come to me like it usually does. I actually laid in the chair and just thought. No trouble going to sleep later that night. I was awake until 10:30 because I had things to do, but I fell asleep shortly after that.
Day 4: I set my alarm for 5 this morning because I leave at 6 to watch my nephew today. I woke up before my alarm and my internal voice seemed to be all over my brain and not just stuck in the very front. My first thought of the day was that I should pray for my sister-in-law because she goes back to work after maternity leave today. That was strange to have my own thought the moment I woke up. I do often wake up feeling physically rested, but my brain and forehead are usually so heavy and foggy.
I do feel a small change, but I don't want to get my hopes up because this could just be post period clearer brain. It is still early days. I did get a little nauseous today, but I have legitimately been getting nauseous once or twice a week since I had covid the second time.
My supplements will arrive later today and so I guess I'll take the melatonin tonight. I know the niacin will need to be taken in the morning, but I'm not sure about the quercetin. Maybe I'll take it tonight in case it makes me sick to my stomach. Fortunately I have a stomach of steel. And I remember reading a long time ago that people who carry the red headed gene need a higher dose of many medicines because of our metabolism. I can say for a fact that every time I've had to go under general anesthesia I have woken in the middle of it, and I never felt my epidural with Gage. Now it would be cool to see if there is any correlation between long haulers and people with the red head gene, because it seems their central nervous systems work a little differently. Probably because we are descendants of the nephilim, or so says the internet.
I washed my hair and no strands came out into my hands. I'm sure there were some that made it to the drain, but it was still very surreal.
Day 5
Yesterday I watched Lincoln and I woke up this morning feeling beaten down, and then I remembered that my supplements came in the mail yesterday and I had taken 5mg of melatonin before I went to bed. I'm glad I didn't go with the 10 mg. I don't have much experience with melatonin because as long as I don't have any caffeine after about 2 pm I have no problem sleeping. When I woke up my mind seemed to be fine, but my body was heavy.
I took some quercetin last night before dinner because it said to take on an empty stomach and I hadn't eaten anything in a while. It made me feel so weird, like I was high. And this is saying something considering my brain has been in an 'off' state for over a year now. I googled side effects and it said some people feel tingling in their arms and legs (I was) and they might get a headache (I did.) But it also just made me feel out of it. So maybe I'll take that one before bed. I'm not sure about the melatonin though because I didn't like feeling so heavy when I woke up. Maybe I'll only take it on the weekends when I go to bed at like 8:30. Or I can always split it in two.
I did have a cool experience driving to my brother's house yesterday morning, but I already posted about that.
This morning after I took my daily medicine cup of pills, I waited about 30 minutes and then took the niacin. I always felt a little flush whenever I would take a 5 hour energy years ago, so I thought I knew what to expect. In fact, when I opened the bottle of pills it smelled JUST LIKE a bottle of 5 hour energy. Anyway, I took the pill and about 20 minutes later I felt this massive flush in my face and brain, and then it started going all the way down my body. It was not painful, but it felt like I had a sunburn. It lasted about 30 minutes and my neck started itching like crazy. It reminded me of having lice. I'm glad I knew what a niacin flush was, because otherwise I might have thought I was having an allergic reaction and dying. Or else had an episode of lice related PSTD. I only purchased the 100 mg bottle, but I just googled to see how often you can take niacin and it says adults can take up to 2000 mg up to three times a day!
Aside from waking up groggy, I have felt very good today. I feel like my internal monologue is expanding in all directions from my brain instead of being so heavy in the forehead.
My favorite time of day is as soon as I wake up, because every day for the past few days my brain has felt a little more expanded every single morning. I really am feeling a lot better, and I don't think it is a placebo effect. I think that my dopamine levels were so out of whack that it began making changes that very first day. I am still not feeling things from my heart and my memory may never be what it used to be, but I am so thankful that I finally decided to make a change and see a doctor. I pray it lasts. Even if my focus and memory never returns to what it used to be, this is still better.
Comments
Post a Comment