the wellbutrin diaries

I went in a store I don't normally go in and found this sweater on the clearance rack for $5 from $64. I know we are headed for summer heat, but since having covid I am forever cold. I don't go anywhere without a sweater or hoodie. There were two of these sweaters left and they were slightly different colors. Now I wish I had gotten them both. Oh well, hindsight. It is not like I need more clothes anyway. 

So I've been taking wellbutrin for two weeks now. I have had ZERO negative side effects so far. The little bit that I read online compared the first week to the honeymoon phase, because most people got positive speedy psychoactive effects, which I never did. They went on to say the second week was the hell week because their emotions were all over the place. But I just finished the second week and it was literally no different than the first, probably because I don't really have emotions anyway. Although this coming week is my hormonal week, the only time that I feel anything, so it will stand the test. This morning when I was reading the bible I thought my brain felt a little muddy and when I realized what date it was it made more sense. 

I still do not feel a surplus of energy, but I haven't taken a single nap in two weeks, so that is an improvement. Still not much in regards of motivation, although I did somehow manage to motivate myself enough to make a dentist appointment, and I am keeping up with daily duolingo, so maybe these are baby steps. They always say meds like these can take a little while to really start working anyway. My brain was what I missed the most and now it feels like it is 75% back and mostly clear, instead of foggy and dense. The anxiety my body was carrying is still gone, which is great. And I have been eating less garbage, because I don't mindlessly snack out of boredom anymore. 

My main improvement is definitely an inward one. I feel like I can access parts of my brain that were off limits for over a year. I am able to recall stuff from my past better, but if you ask me about something that happened yesterday I might not be able to tell you in that moment. I think taking psychiatric medication has given me a better understanding of what is a mental problem verses what is long covid, and I am fairly certain that long hauling is what made my preexisting mental stuff so much worse.