afternoon stream of consciousness

When we got home Saturday night I said, "I cannot wait until Thursday afternoon," because I knew that my week was going to be very busy until then. And I'm finally there. Whooo! Sunday we had church and went to lunch with extended family, then visited my grandmother in the hospital and afterwards went back to my parent's house. Monday I babysat my nephew. Tuesday was the food bank and then I had to do a massive grocery run because I hadn't been to the store since before we left for Orlando. We were having to get creative with the kid's lunches. Anything in the freezer was up for grabs. And yesterday I had to get dental work done. Wednesday is also my cleaning day and then in the afternoon we go visit my Memaw for a few hours. 

I don't know if I ever went into detail, because it is a little embarrassing, but I ended up having five cavities when I went to the dentist. I know it is because I had so many sore throats in the beginning of my long haul and would sometimes brush my teeth and then go to sleep with a peppermint in my mouth. (This is sounding familiar, maybe I did already mention this.) Anyway, the result was five cavities, three on one side and two on the other. I had the three filled yesterday and this was a picture of me in the parking lot trying to flare my nostrils with a numb face. 

I didn't know what to expect because I'd never had a filling before, but it wasn't so bad. I had to get four shots and I really only felt one, and even then it wasn't that painful. I put in earbuds, blasted some Pink Floyd, and tuned out the drill. 

My grandmother is in the hospital and they aren't sure she's going to make it out. She's been in bad health for about 20 years when she fell in the shower and had a brain aneurysm. Since then she's had more surgeries and illnesses than I can count, but she had been very resilient and has been able to pull through each time. Now she's got pneumonia that has reached deep in her lungs and she isn't even able to drink water because she isn't swallowing correctly and it goes into her lungs.

It is surreal to have a grandparent about to pass away and not feel anything from the heart. It is almost like I have a delayed reaction. My older brother and I spent countless weekends with this set of grandparents, waking up to eat enormous chocolate chip pancakes at 4:30 am before my grandaddy went to work, and then going with my grandmother to get her hair set, have lunch at Hardee's (back when it was fried chicken and biscuits) and going to antique stores and flea markets. I do love my grandparents and have so many fond memories of Christmas Eve dinner and Fourth of July cookouts with lawn mower races. Logically I know this is sad, and intellectually I know my heart hurts for my grandaddy and my dad. But. I. Just. Don't. Feel. It. And I hate it. 

Peppy also says he isn't feeling from his heart anymore and neither is Gage. Neither of them had adrenaline surges at Universal either. I have talked to one real life friend and three internet friends in different areas who are experiencing the same thing. What is happening to us? It just feels so intentional to me. Some evil group decided to make humanity uncaring and apathetic, and I wonder how many more are going through it and just don't realize it. I often wonder if so many people are taking so many medications and illegal drugs that they don't even notice that their heart is hollow. I think if we really knew how many people have been affected, we would be absolutely blown away.

I also think the queen is dead, and I think maybe she had been for a few months now. Prince Charles is looking pretty downtrodden. Maybe it is because the public doesn't know yet, so he isn't allowed to wear the special hat. People are saying she was executed, but come on, she was 96. It was going to happen sometime. Or maybe she is shedding her skin and shifting into her reptilian body.