I googled my name to make sure that it didn't lead you straight to this blog. I like the fact that I don't have a big audience here. I'm not trying to build a following or make any money from sponsors. I use this space mostly to work out things in my head and to document the things in my life before I forget them. It is more like being inside my brain than it would be like sitting next to me having a conversation. Once the awkward barrier is broken, I let my freak flag fly, but usually I am content being the quiet observer.
Anyway, so I googled my name and found out that a woman with my name who is also 38 years old died in May of this year. So if anyone happens to come looking for me, they will think that I am dead. I also googled my email address and it just took me to news stories about a sex slave trapped in a crate. So it looks like I am all in the clear.
I'm still in that zoom Revelation class that my friend invited me to, but the leaders of the group are following along with a commentary that I completely disagree with. (I went into the class knowing that they believe in a pre-trib rapture. I knew what I was getting myself into.) But listening each week I don't understand the mental gymnastics they are performing to come to the conclusions they are getting. But still, it is always nice to hear other perspectives and be able to expand your ways of thinking. I try not to form a concrete opinion on something until I have looked at a matter from all directions.
On Monday night we were talking about evil, and the commentary says that evil does not come from God. But Isaiah 45:7 says "I form light and create darkness; I make peace and create evil." I brought this up and I could suddenly feel tension over the screen, although I wasn't sure why. After the class was over I told Peppy that I thought I had pressed the teacher's button without meaning to. The very next night they sent out a three page email trying to convince everyone that I was wrong (even though all I did was quote a verse,) and that it was wrong to believe God created evil. It was a whole bunch of nothing but opinion, and one and a half typed pages later they never even said where they thought evil came from, only that it was ignorant to believe it came from God.
I wasn't saying God IS evil, but he did create beings that rebelled against him and brought sin into the world. So yes, by default God created evil. Let's say that I gave birth to a child who grew up to be a psychopathic murderer. I am not the murderer, but I did create one. If God didn't create evil then he wouldn't have any dominion over it and wouldn't have any right to punish Satan and his army of angels. If God didn't create evil then that would mean there is another creator who did.
If you have another way to explain evil, please do. If I am wrong that is fine, because I just want to understand. I saw this Bigfoot shirt that instead of saying "I want to believe" said "I want to understand." I'm past believing.
Anyway, anyway, anyway, one interesting thing was they posted the Hebrew word for 'evil,' which is 'ra.' This is super interesting to me because Ra is the egyptian deity that the egyptians believed was the sun god. During coronation the next pharaoh was named "the son of Ra." Also, the word 'ra' appears in the bible 666 times. Things that make you go 'hmmmmm.'
I was bothered by his email for about an hour, but then the upside of having muted emotions rolled over me and I kept clicking on words in Strong's concordance and decided to use this opportunity to learn something instead.
Then yesterday I also unintentionally pressed my dad's buttons, which takes a lot to do. Me and the kids were at my parents' house and Owsley suddenly blurted out that Jesus might have been a short hunchback. I explained to everyone about Josephus Flavius' description of Jesus and about how 'white jesus' didn't even exist until 7th century AD and that before then he was always pictured as having very dark skin. I added that I know it might be hard to believe but I was sure if they prayed and asked God to show them the truth that he would. To which my dad, who normally keeps all opinions to himself, said, "I would never bother God with something that trivial." Eck. Clearly I hit a button. Like, he was legit offended and I was legit surprised, although I shouldn't be. I live in the south. He is in the boomer generation. We have all been conditioned through years of indoctrination about racial divides and it is ingrained in so many of us. I'm not trying to make excuses for anyone who makes racists statements, but I do always try to remind myself of the indoctrination of the school system, and especially for those people my parents age who grew up in the heart of it.
When we left Gage told me, "Wow, I'm sorry. You told me this was how people would respond, but I didn't think Grumpy would be like that."
Same.
I had been thinking that it was time to finally tell my parents how I came to Christ eight years ago. I have never told them because I knew that they wouldn't understand or believe. I grew up in a church that believes the Holy Spirit is no longer active in believers and so I knew from the beginning they wouldn't be receptive to hearing what I experienced. But eight years later I realize they still aren't ready.
I came home and told Peppy all about it because this bothered me more than the incident in the zoom class. I understand that on one hand the color of Christ is irrelevant, but on the other hand it means so much, because if it is true it means we have been lied to about everything. I don't think that is trivial at all.
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