I was in bed before 9 on New Year's Eve. Oh, to the ghosts of NYE's past. I won't wish you a happy new year, because logically it doesn't even make sense that a new year would be right after the winter solstice. Wouldn't a new year be indicative of something like...spring and rebirth? And I won't talk about how the Roman Catholic church changed Dionysus, the god of wine, into the idol of swaddled baby white Jesus. Nevermind, I will tell you that the Greeks believed Dionysus was reborn every year as a spirit of fertility and luck. They would celebrate with parades featuring babies in cradles, which eventually would be converted to tradition at Christmas midnight mass.
I've been thinking, and I wonder if a black Messiah will be a huge stumbling block for white believers? I was watching a video and it was more along the lines of "black supremacist Israelite warrior" and they were claiming that white believers would rather become atheists than bow to a black king. Well, in response to that I would have to respectfully disagree and say they were never a true believer to begin with if they hated black skinned people. But yes, I do think many white believers will have a hard time wrapping their head around a black Messiah. Not an olive skinned guy either. And definitely not luscious lashes Catholic Jesus.
I have been talking to a lot of different people from all walks of life, and every single one of them has talked about this heaviness they feel in the world, and that they don't think it is depression. It feels like the veil is being lifted and some of us are feeling the evil like a heavy net, weighing us down, while others of us have our heads in the sand, oblivious like an ostrich. It almost feels like the world has been split into two (maybe three) worlds. Those of us who are oblivious and living in la la land, planning futures like we actually have them. There are those of us who are hardcore prepping and plan to live through this 'timeline collapse.' And then there are those of us who are just watching everything, a few steps removed.
I have a feeling about this year. I believe this year will start off the tribulation period. Obviously I am no prophet, nor do I claim to hear direct words from God. It is just a feeling that I have. CBDC is right around the corner for everyone and that will literally be the beginning of the end. I'm constantly having to remind myself to stay on the narrow road, because of covid, or a spell over the world, I want to be lazy.... like all the time. Even on the days that I'm not tired I have to force myself to be productive. It reminds me of the scene in the Wizard of Oz with the opium fields. I feel like someone is constantly trying to hypnotize me into going to sleep.
I'm reaaaaaaaaallllly conflicted with this Revelation class. I didn't go last week but then it turns out we didn't have class anyway. I just feel like since beginning the class, the way I view Revelation and the Bible has flipped so much that I cannot remember what it was like to even imagine a pre-trib rapture. Like, I legitimately cannot wrap my head around how anyone who studied the word could come to that conclusion. So I don't know what to do. Paying attention to an hour and a half zoom class every Monday night is hard enough to begin with. You should see my class book. There's maybe one or two things highlighted, a few verses I referenced, and random doodles everywhere that are reminiscent of my 7th grade notebooks.
I am not looking forward to getting back to scheduling for the food bank. I have enjoyed the days off. We had two big people leave at the end of the year and I'm still working on getting some of their responsibilities passed on to other people. Truth is, we need more volunteers. We have lots of people and churches who donate money every month, but we need more hands. I understand why people leave. They start because they want to give x amount of hours a week, and in the end they are there almost four days every week, plus doing side pick ups and orders. I get it. A volunteer position can't become a full time (unpaid) job for most people. So we need more volunteers, so the ones we do have don't get burnt out and leave. But no one wants to work, paid jobs or not. I don't understand this insane unemployment rate thing, because it seems like no one is actually working. Or maybe they are going to their jobs, but just aren't being productive because they also have this lazy spell over them.
Also, everyone is sick. All the time. So that also makes it difficult to schedule. So does brain damage and bad procrastination/lack of motivation. Somehow we are being poisoned to become apathetic. You either notice it and fight it, or you just don't notice it at all and start becoming more and more apathetic.
I can't tell you how much it bums me out sometimes that I can't type as fast as I used to because I don't remember how to spell words. I also can't tell you how much it bummed me out to see mine and Peppy's names under the anniversary section in the church bulletin yesterday and to have totally forgotten that we have an anniversary this month. I mean, if anyone asked I could tell you when my anniversary is. I just hadn't thought about it. If I feel this lost and confused in my mind, I can only imagine how Gage feels. I wish he would talk to someone, or maybe I could get him to just type. It feels good just to pour out your words sometimes. I try to get him to take walks with me and get out of the house as much as possible. But I get it. It is hard to want to do anything when you can't feel. It is so much easier to distract yourself than try to live with the reality that your brain feels foreign. I can't believe it has been two years of being a stranger in my own brain.
I keep seeing screenshots on reddit where Elon promises to release the #faucifiles later this week. But since he is the epitome of a troll, who knows? Or maybe he will release something that would tick people off and there will be an uprising. I doubt it though. This has been more of a slow, slow fade away.
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