nicotine therapy-day 5

I was telling Peppy that I actually felt a little smarter the last few days. At the food back yesterday there were a few times where I had the solution to problems pretty quickly. I was able to multitask which was nice. I was even in the accounting office all by myself and it was a busy day. 

I definitely don't feel as lazy and have been more productive, although not necessarily more inspired to do anything creative, which is always a bummer if I dwell on it. I miss being creative and making things, so keeping productive at least keeps me from dwelling on that.

My brain is still pretty blank when I'm not using it. But at least when I need to use it it seems to be computing and processing at a faster rate. My typing has been a lot better and I know I have made less grammatical errors. My spelling also seems to be better. I've always been naturally great at spelling, but that is another thing covid took from me. 

I can think back on the last few days without them feeling as dreamlike as they usually do. I can recall what people wore and what I ate on certain days, which is something that usually takes a lot of mental focus to do. I told Peppy I didn't think I was making it up and he said that he had noticed a stark difference in me. It was interesting to see that he has also noticed a change. And dreams, I'm still not remembering them, although I do know that I am dreaming. No nightmares though.

This morning I woke up at 4 am, but I felt rested so I just went ahead and got up. I read the entire book of 2 Timothy and then I just kept on reading and read Titus as well. This is HUGE because the week before my period is generally when my brain works even less than normal. Usually on this week I am able to read maybe one chapter of the bible before my brain konks out. But never an entire book, especially never two! Yeah, these are shorter books of the bible, but still. This is a massive change. I think tonight I will see if I can read one of those Chuck Palahniuk books.

Only two days left after today, and I really want to know if these effects will last after I stop wearing the patch. Maybe the excess energy will drop off without being on a stimulant, but I hope the brain fog lift remains. This extra energy isn't making me manic or jittery, it just makes me feel more normal. I even drink over half a pot of coffee in the morning and I'm not acting like a crackhead.

I went to wash my hands this morning and noticed these orange-brownish streaks on my right palm that seem to have appeared overnight. I tried washing it off to no avail. I did some googling and found out that I probably have Tinea Nigra Palmaris, which is a nondangerous, superficial fungus that you can get from the dirt. And guess who was mushroom hunting just a couple days ago? If that is all it is, it appears that it isn't contagious through touch and an antifungal should clear it up.

The location definitely makes sense because that would have been exactly where I was pulling the mushrooms up by its root, by making a fist and then the soily root part would have been exactly where those streaks are. I thought I had done a good job washing my hands afterwards, because I had been picking poisonous ones for Theresa to use as compost. Apparently I missed a spot.

Jonathan, feel free to chime in if I have misdiagnosed myself and am actually dying. The only other thing I could think of was on Wednesday I made a fist and banged really hard on my Memaw's door, but I wouldn't think a burst vessel would be orangey brown. Perhaps I am turning into an Oompa Loompa, or heaven forbid, Donald Trump. I would prefer death over the latter, please.