midweek stream of consciousness

Here is the new twitter logo if you were to take the X and mirror it. Anyone who knows much about the occult is familiar with 'as above, so below.' This new X turns into the masonic compass and square, and there is absolutely no way this is a coincidence. Might be a troll job, but not a coincidence. When you know, it just hits different.

Reminds me of this:

My parents had this ab rocket chair on the side of the road. I took it and have plans to put it at the end of the runway at some point in time. Why? I don't really know. But one time I came home and my dad had left one of those hospital toilet chairs in my yard. Why? I don't know that either.  My dad once put marbles in his bosses desk drawer and somehow flipped the drawer upside down, so that when he opened it, all the marbles came out. We can just be odd at times. I guess we are trolls too. Once I filled his mailbox with human hair. It was my hair, and I'm fairly certain he kept it, awaiting a further day of use. Good thing he's not a warlock. I'm going to give them time to forget the chair and then put it in his shop, or at the end of the runway and then not say anything. No one can deadpan quite like me. Except maybe my dad. And Owsley, man is he good. Like father, like daughter, like grandson.

A few months ago Peppy ubered a bachelorette party and there were neon green penis straws left in his car. So I took one, washed it, and then put it right on top of the utensil drawer in my parent's house. It was there for over a month and no one even noticed it, so I started moving it around their kitchen, and still no one noticed it. I still got a big laugh out of it, even if I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for. I think you have to have a personality like mine and my dad's to understand why we would do something like this. I used to move this tiny pterodactyl head puppet all around their bedroom because it drove my mom insane for some reason. Maybe it was just me driving her insane and not the head. Ah, good times, good times. 

I go to the psychiatrist this morning and I want to tell her that her tip to break up the tegretol into 1/4 pieces has given me my life back. I am sitting here with happy tears streaming down my face because right now because I should be feeling the absolute worst days for my TN pain, and I can only occasionally feel a little pain as it moves around my face and head. I felt like I had an earache yesterday and a bit of a toothache, but the pain was maybe a 3/10 instead of a 10/10. This time around my tears aren't from being miserable, but from feeling like I have been given the ability to live again. I didn't realize just how bad it was until now that I can barely feel it.

To not go to bed in pain each night and wonder how I'm going to feel the next morning, only to wake up to more pain and immediately have to mummify myself with icy hot strips. Even if this doesn't last forever, wow, what a reprieve. 

I have had to bump up my dose a little this week, which is not surprising, because the last week of each month is generally when it flares up so badly, but there is such a vast difference right now compared to what I have experienced on the last week of each month over the past year. And to virtually be pain-free for the rest of the month? I can't even explain it. I am absolutely joyful. I'm sure the fact that tegretol is also a mood stabilizer has nothing to do with this. Hah I didn't realize just how much mental suffering I had been pushing to the back of my mind thinking about living this way until I died.

I still can't feel anything from my heart, but the ability to cry happy tears is also making me ecstatic because I haven't been able to do that in almost three years. I attribute most of this to coming off wellbutrin. And I'm so thankful to have been able to taper off that without any side effects.