i can't follow brainstein's fancy talk.

Could you dumb it down a hair? This bulb ain't the sharpest elevator in the cookie jar.

Last night at dinner my father-in-law was telling us about his small group study about anxiety and letting go of things you cannot control. His example was our mortality and trying to give up the fear of death that he said everyone has, to which me and my kids all chime up at the same time that we thought that as believers we didn't have to be scared of death. And then we kind of all added that there is nothing here that we want, and that we actually cannot wait for eternity with our Creator, where everything is perfect and there is no sadness and evil.

Ok, maybe our thoughts were not so coherent since we all kind of spoke over one another. But he was clearly confounded that we were definitely not on the same page as him.

Later on it was just me and him talking, and he was reminiscing about his Navy days and began telling me about this man, Buddy, that knew exactly which buttons to press to make my father-in-law angry. He then proceeds to tell me that this is a trait that has followed him his whole life- the inability to not get angry at perceived offences. I told him this was something I didn't understand because due to childhood trauma or whatever, I could not muster a single care of what someone thinks about me. (I didn't say this was a good thing, because not caring what someone thinks to the extent that I do is also an extreme.)

I asked him what he thought it was inside of him that made him care what anyone thought of him. He told me that would be something only a psychiatrist would be able to answer. I was just shocked and a little excited, because in the seventeen years I have known him, this is the first time I have ever heard him admit that perhaps he has a slight obsession with control.

This morning as we cooked breakfast together I gave him my whole spiel on technology destroying the ability to form and maintain real human relationships. What can I say, I had a new captive audience, and he already thinks I'm a bit of a kook anyway. So, you know, why not? If I am in a good mood, sometimes it is enjoyable giving someone the performance they want, even if I'd prefer to just be left alone.

Yesterday at the food bank our director was trying to figure out who had not signed in for the board meeting earlier in the week. There had only been nine of us that attended, and I began rattling off the names. My friend Stacy was like, "Wow! Look at you. I don't even know if I'd remember those names from two days ago." I got to thinking about it and I was also surprised, because normally I cannot remember a string of three or four things. 

I read that the Maine shooter had recently had a drastic personality change after he got fitted for hearing implants. He had experienced hearing loss due to being around explosions in the military and had only recently gotten hearing aides. His family said his personality did a complete 180 overnight. I understand that schizophrenics are incapable of processing the world around them. I'm not saying schizophrenia and mental illness don't exist, because clearly I'm going about collecting as many as I can, I'm just saying this is an odd coincidence...if it is one.

For a few years now I have read articles/seen videos on claims that the Americas are actually where ancient Egypt used to be. People really seem to be doubling down on this theory. Let me think about the insane things that I currently believe that I didn't a few years ago: The earth is not a ball, original Israelites were brown skinned, reptilians are real, there was a previous worldwide civilization, space is not infinite, Greek mythology is real. But I am having a reaaaaallllllly hard time believing that geography has been flipped. Although they have flipped literally everything else, why is this one so unbelievable to me? 

I am excited to start reading my new book. I've flipped through the pages and I find myself reading it in Jon's monotone voice. It's almost like he's sitting right next to me. I even heard his youtube intro in my head when I opened the book. 

This is taken from "Wisdom of Jesus, son of Sirach," who was a contemporary around the time of King Solomon. It is a book in the Ethiopian bible that has been removed from Protestant canon. I cannot say for certain if this was divinely inspired, but as someone who has found herself in trouble for seeking out secret things, it sure spoke to me. All I want is God anyway. There's no other purpose to any of this than finding our way back to our Maker and loving those we come in contact with. Two things the world seems to be so vehemently opposed with.