no more little kids around here

Probably the best way to wake up each morning is by stepping on a wasp that has actively decided to writhe their last moments in your floor. I have done this twice, and man, even though I am naturally a morning person, this will really get you going. 10/10 would recommend doing it at least once in your life.

That is a lie.

I cannot tell a lie, was it George Washington that said that? I think George was actually a woman. And Barbara Bush has got to be related to Aleister Crowley. 

None of this has anything to do with anything.

Yesterday was Owsley's 13th birthday. If I had emotions maybe this would have been a bigger milestone to me than it is to a normal parent. I think one of the main things that kills me about this brain fog is that my kids really only exist to me if they are in front of me. The only guilt and failure I feel with my foggy memory is when it comes to things they share with me, and my inability to grasp these important things. Or when Peppy tells me we have talked about something and I have ZERO recollection and then he seems surprised that this is all new information to me. Or when I forget what I'm thinking mid-thought and it never returns. I will never get used to that one. Special days creep up on me so much more quickly than before. Sometimes I don't know how I am allowed to leave my house and be an adult. 

Owsley is my empath and as much as I try to hide when I struggle, he is the one that picks up on it when no one else does. I am so sorry that he has to carry that gift/curse for the rest of his life, but he seems to have already honed in on this skill and I am always grateful that the quirks my children have inherited are things I am self-aware of and can relate to, where as I just grew up thinking I was an unlovable outcast. 

This is what you get with 5 am Deanna....all the words. Then by the time everyone else is awake my brain has nothing to say. 

This post is not to say anything bad about Gage, but we are so similar in some ways that we don't have that 'lovey feeling.' We love each other, but it's in a hand's off way. Owsley on the other hand, well, he has always been more than willing to curl up next to me or just walk up and say "You look like you need a hug," and then depending on his mood he will either hug me, or just say that to me and walk away. Both of my children have inherited my dark sense of humor that you either get or you don't. I once read this is part of 'gifted' personalities. Morbid, dark, macabre. Yeah, ok, gifted.

Yesterday Peppy and I got up and took Owsley for an apple fritter for breakfast and then we went to the food bank. I had told Owsley we could take the day off and do something else, but the Thursday volunteers are his favorites, and he said he would could just do something afterwards. Word had spread that it was Owsley's birthday and everyone signed a card and sang Happy Birthday to him. Many of them asked if they should sing, because they know Owsley and his personality, and I told them no. But then one guy said, "Well, he's 13, so now's the time to get used to life not giving you what you want." And so we sang to him. 

But clearly you can see that he did not really mind. And the man that said that (in the gray shirt) is one of Owsley's favorites and you know, sometimes certain people can get away with things you wouldn't let anyone else. Like, only a handful of people have the privilege (hah) of calling me DeeDee. Others have tried to make it stick over the years, but nope. 

After the food bank closed Owsley and I went and got Peppy and Gage and met up with my parents at Kona Grill. We had eaten there when Peppy's dad visited last month and we had a great experience. Yesterday was, well, uh, the exact opposite. My family rarely complains at restaurants and often look to me and Peppy because of our previous restaurant experience to gauge what is normal and what is not. But yesterday all of our food was cold and hard, and my mom didn't even get her food (which was the exact same thing Owsley and I ordered) for almost ten minutes after everyone else. There was no apology or resolution. We ordered from the 'power lunch' menu which was supposed to be a 45 minute in and out lunch for business folks (or busy people) on lunch break, but our power lunch took almost two hours. I will say that I had an Asian salad as a side and it was delicious, so was Peppy's tomato bisque. Everything else, hard and/or cold.

We still had a nice time though, because the lunch crowd had left and we were able to sit and talk and hear each other. Despite my parents living across the street, I don't really ever see my mom. 

We came back home for a little while and Owsley put together some rollercoaster models he wanted and then later family came over for cookie cake and ice cream. He is currently saving his birthday money for a custom computer. 

It is an odd feeling to me to have both my children the same height as me and Peppy. Both of them will be taller than us soon. There were four of these pictures made, and I'm telling you, this one was the best.

Owsley, I will always give you and Gage everything I have, but I wish I could give you even more. You might not ever know just how much I love you. There are so many times that your personality gives so much light to my life. I am so, so, so thankful that the Lord chose me to get to be your mother. You are one of the best joys in my life. 

You do you, because you are doing it so well. I love you forever. You are the only person in the entire world I will ever want to participate in car ride singalongs with.