he's just not that into you

Ahoy, matey! Offensive thoughts up ahead!

Just finished Song of Solomon in the nick of time, completely reading the bible through in a year. I seem to always leave my least favorite parts for last. Now that I understand more of the prophets, those books are less tedious and my new least favorite book of the bible is......Job. But after that it is definitely Song of Solomon because it is confusing to me as a contemporary woman with an abnormal brain. I've tried to understand this book many times, and yet it befuddles me.

Solomon was known for wisdom and not monogamy. He couldn't keep his seed in his robe, if you know what I mean. (Kind of like Elon Musk, although he's the chief twit, not the chief sage.) So who is this lucky gal (who has all of her teeth!) who gets to walk in the nut garden with her beloved? 

Are we drawing names here? This is a serious question. Am I supposed to believe Solomon loved only one person and that all his other wives and concubines were only for political reasons? Actually this does almost seem more like a fan girl and a celebrity temporarily smitten with someone who adores them. She appears to be from a home where she was taken advantage of by her brothers, clearly she would be starstruck with the attention of a king,

There is one part where the unnamed 'She' says that her beloved is behind a wall staring at her through a lattice. Someone get a restraining order because that is a little creepy. Also why is he allowing her to get beat up in the streets? And does he know how to compliment anything except her appearance? He even repeats his compliments, as if the wisest man to live couldn't think of anything nicer to say. He really likes her peaches, wants to shake her trees. Gross. She almost seems innocent, ready to give everything to him, and he just wants to get down and dirty and disappear. So this doesn't really feel like a bride and Christ type situation either. 

Song of Solomon has never made sense to me. I never understood how this was romantic or the epitome of love, so I have only ever laughed about Solomon on Valentine's day, imagining all the valentine's cards he would write. 

The whole narrative makes even less sense when you read a version of the bible that doesn't have a little chapter title at the top, conditioning you on how to interpret the scriptures. Remember, the original scriptures didn't have chapter and verse, or even punctuation for that matter. Adding a comma here and there can change A LOT.

So I will see this from a battered woman's perspective, almost like a cycle of abuse. I mean, she does keep giving the reader repeated warnings not to stir love up too soon. She's calling and calling and calling, ready and willing to give him everything she has. He's horny, but not ready to commit. She definitely seems more into it than him. There is actually very little dialogue from "HE" in Song of Solomon except for his continual praise over her bodily attributes. 

Could this be wisdom, calling in the streets? And then Solomon represents our animal lusts. She continually calls and tries to love and bless him. He flatters her, and reaches out once, grows impatient and leaves, and lets her get beat up.  (The groom repeats his creepy compliments and she repeats an actual warning of wisdom. "The foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom." 1 Corinthians 1:25) 

The fact that the wisest man to live is caught up in such animal lusts only reinforces 1 Corinthians 1:27, "for God chose the foolish things of this world to shame the wise."

Oh snap, look at that. I think I made it make sense to me. But I do tend to overthink things at times. Odds are I'll have forgotten this theory in a day or two unless it's supposed to stick. I guess I'll know soon enough. It is pretty cool when my thoughts unravel in a new way like that.