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early morning stream of consciousness

Last week was a good week. The latter half of the week had amazing weather, the kind of weather that gives you spring fever. Owsley wanted to go to the park and ride his one wheel, and Gage had been wanting to return a library book, so on Friday Gage and I got new library books and sat in the park while Owsley rode. It felt like old times because I actually finished a book in two days. I sat outside both Friday and Saturday reading. It was beautiful weather and I momentarily thought about how great it would be to go on a walk after dinner, forgetting that it is still dark by 5:30. 

I checked out a random psychological thriller because those seem to be the easiest for my brain to process. By page 11 I thought I had figured it out. "She has a multiple personality of her dead sister that maybe she murdered." By page 34, "Oh, she was a conjoined twin and has a split personality with her dead sister." I told Peppy I was going to finish the book just to see if I was right. The big twist is revealed on page 120 and sometimes it is so frustrating that my brain is constantly connecting dots and noticing patterns. I try to not say anything whenever we watch movies. I try to only ruin the plot for myself, and even then, it is never on purpose. After finishing the book I read some Amazon reviews, because I wanted to know if the big twist was as obvious to me as it was to everyone else, and apparently it wasn't. Peppy and I were watching this random show "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" and during one episode I was like, "Duh, she's poisoning that baby. Munchhausen by proxy." Maybe I missed my calling as a crime scene investigator. But it is ironic, because in my own life I am always forgetting to pay attention to the smaller details. 

Saturday night Peppy and I went out for a belated anniversary dinner. We were going to go last weekend, but then last Saturday morning we had an unexpected clog in our shower which ended up with Peppy under the house for the whole day. 

We went to Valentina's, which we had never been to before. When Peppy suggested it last week my initial thought was, "Pizza??" because I've never been a fan of just regular, traditional pizza. My parents used to get me a happy meal whenever they got pizza. I remember them going to Pizza Hut and here I am, toting my Halloween themed bucket from McDonalds. But then I read the menu and told him that would be fine as long as we could order the New Yorker. He said we could order anything I wanted, so I told him the New Yorker was a fried calzone stuffed with chocolate cake, cannoli cream and nutella. 

The restaurant smelled SO GOOD when we put our name on the wait list. There was really no lobby, so we went back to wait in the car because they said it might be about 45 minutes. We looked up menu items that we didn't know know how to pronounce or what they were. We found this youtuber who made two minute videos of how to pronounce all kinds of words. I was dying of laughter because he would pronounce all these words so beautifully and then say, "And if you live in America you can say it like this....." And it would be the blandest sounding word, with a slight redneck inflection.

We shared an Italian salad and ordered the rocket pizza which is described as, "Mozzarella base with house-made bacon, hot Italian sausage, Calabrian peppers, pickled jalapenos. Topped with burrata, house-made hot honey, and hot pepper oil."

This was not a pizza, but a masterpiece. I think I want all my pizzas topped with hot honey and pepper oil from now on. It was funny because the next day I mentioned that to Peppy, and he said he had actually been looking up how to make hot honey. 
I found a copycat recipe of the voodoo pasta I had at Dave and Busters, and made that for dinner last night. I had never made homemade alfredo sauce before. It was delicious, and Gage even requested that I add it to our regular menu rotation. Success!

Due to trigeminal neuralgia and neuropathy, sometimes I just have weird numbness and tingles. Yesterday the entire left side of my body was numb for the first half of the day. I was at the grocery store later on and my left knee just decided to give out on me for about ten seconds. Like, there was zero feeling in my knee at all. I have dealt with odd neuropathy my whole life and just assumed it was some normal thing everyone had, so I hope this knee thing is just a one time fluke and I don't have anything new to deal with. Plus side is that I already have a neurologist. Always trying to look for the silver lining in every situation. 

I have started leaving my phone in airplane mode 75% of the time, and it is absolutely wonderful. 10/10 would recommend to everyone. It takes me back to 2010. I can't put my laptop in my purse or my pocket, so this works out very well for me. I read an article months back that said most people don't experience the feeling of awe in their lives. Since I am incapable of feeling anything I certainly haven't physically felt in awe about anything in years. So I'm spending more time in silence when I don't have anything to do. If I'm not going to be motivated to do anything, I'd rather just zone out than be staring at a screen with lights and frequencies constantly blasting at my face. Really, how can these screens be good for our vision at all? Sometimes I can easily see how people will welcome a brain chip to fix all the ways we've destroyed our bodies and minds. I watched a couple of this guy's videos, and if there were any doubt in your mind that frequencies are being embedded in all audio media, the proof is here. Music, commercials, movies, they are all designed to invoke a certain response. I'm not telling you to stop listening to music or watching tv. It would be beneficial for all of us if we did, but it is not realistic. Just be aware that your thoughts and emotions might not necessarily be your own. 

Ok fam, the cognitive decline has gotten out of control. And seriously, if we don't USE it we will LOSE it. Get off the screens and learn a new skill. I am not exaggerating at all when I tell you that some days I can feel my brain creaking when I play mind games or duolingo. I don't really understand what is being done to us (other than grabbing onto the partial lobotomy idea,) but we have become so dependent on tech that we are allowing our brains to atrophy without even realizing it. I have witnessed adults doing basic multiplication on their phones. It doesn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be that way because most of us spent our entire fourth grade year memorizing our times tables to sad rap songs. 

I completely forgot about the cameo by the Grim Reaper at the king's coronation exactly a year ago. And then yesterday it was announced he had cancer. This whole thing is a comedy of errors. I am not saying the king might not have cancer, but that was meant to be seen, or else they wouldn't have shown it. 

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Peppy told me he was on the phone with his cousin and they got off on a discussion about space and Peppy said, "and I told him space wasn't really what we thought it was, and that aliens are not aliens, and then I felt crazy for saying that stuff, but it really is what I have started to believe." Well look at that. I don't force my beliefs on anyone around here. I tell Peppy about new things I have learned, and he always listens to me, but more often than not his initial reaction is unbelief. 

There is freedom in people thinking you are kooky. I can say that I believe basically anything, and no one is surprised anymore. People thinking you are crazy might be the only freedom of speech that is left in the world. 

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