week-long stream of consciousness

It has been a minute since I had to wrap up my head like this. A few times I have given serious thought into getting an eye patch because some days would be easier if I just kept my left eye closed all day long. I'm in a good mood, but my head has been a bit of a disaster since Wednesday. I watched my nephew all day and he was great. He is talking in full sentences and is so much fun to be around. After I dropped him off at my sister-in-law's school, I accidentally took a double dose of my tegretol. I didn't even realize what happened until my legs began to feel like sand and I decided it was time for a long winter's nap. If I took as much of this medicine as I was supposed to, my head might not ever hurt, but I also might not ever be able to move. I am sure the dose would eventually titrate up in your body, but I would rather be in a little pain and have more of what's left in my brain. 

Lots of these stream of consciousness posts lately because all of the same things in the world are just continuing to go on. Plus, I start these posts one day and then end up adding to the draft all week long. Mostly I just spend my days pulling back the layers to what is real. And honestly, it is laughable how the last 200 years are just all made up. At the same time, I have never been more content or understood what is truly important more than I do now. Unprecedented times we're living in, but (on days when my hormones are not in control) I'm glad this is the time I get to live in. I wouldn't want to be anyone else, anywhere else.

I try to make intentional time each day just to sit and think. Days felt endless as children when we were lost in our thoughts. Now most of us are terrified to venture into our minds and would prefer to give up any free time to a device. 

It seems like Putin is trying to stir up America....with the truth? In his interview with Tucker Carlson, Putin claimed he was ready to end the war a year and a half ago, and that American citizens have no say in what is actually done in America. But, somehow we are so ingrained in this voting illusion that most people cannot see past it. 

I did see this 20 second clip of 'Biden' confusing Mexico and Gaza. It is no wonder that the younger generations intuitively understand this is all a facade. I am an elder millennial, but I identify with gen z-ers on so many things. Gen As? They are fascinating, but terrify me a little because some of them seem like malfunctioning toys. Anyway, here's your president: 

      

Really and truly, does Biden still have fans? Maybe I should look in his subreddit and see if it is just all people making fun of him now. I don't really know if some of his hardcore fans still support him or not. I've only paid attention to the election cycle since Obama. I mean, I've always been aware of the president, but it was never on my radar until Obama, and now I'm back to knowing it is going on and not caring at all. 

I just don't get how people still believe democracy is real. I understand that maybe they feel like they have to at least do something. But this is all a joke. America is a joke. We are the laughing stock of the entire world. Some bot is going to find keywords and think I'm a terrorist, when I'm the most passive person in the world. Sometimes when the weather is bad I can get sucked into the subreddit r/shitamericanssay and wow, are we a prideful, ignorant bunch. Yes, we have been conditioned to be this way, but pride goes before the fall, and we are falling very shortly. America is going to be a third world country before we know it. We are only a 200 year old experiment, after all. 

And now for a bit of vapid consumerism so that you all can know whatever I post is me stepping on my own toes too. 

There is this record store near the food bank but it is only open weird hours. Thursday it was open and Owsley wanted to go in. I am not sure how much detail I have gone into about this, but Owsley's taste in music is basically a mirror of me when I was that age. He has discovered this music all on his own and it is a little surreal how I could have never imagined 25 years later my kid would be listening to the same stuff I was. He browsed through all the records and then settled on purchasing three cds: Korn, Rammstein and Linkin Park. He said he wanted to use them as decorations because we don't own a cd player, but now he is looking at buying a $20 cd player off amazon. I took him to look for a used one at goodwill. They had two, but both said the cd player portion didn't work. 

Things have been going so much better at the food bank with our new director. For our financial assistance program we are back to making appointments instead of just walk-ins, and since that is my department, it is so much less stressful because each day is not so open-ended anymore. We do try to make room for an emergency walk-in, but having scheduled appointments again makes my day a little easier and I can focus my energy on current issues instead of having people do paperwork and then finding out they were ineligible for help. Let's figure this out BEFORE they come in, that way it saves all of us time and stress. 

When I first started volunteering everything worked like a well oiled machine. Then after covid, so many things changed, and the remaining volunteers would come in and basically just hurl themselves wherever needed, and there was really no communication, just basic survival to keep the place open. So it is nice to have someone stabilize the place again. 

"Look, you scoffers. Wonder and perish. For I am going to do something in your days that you wouldn't believe even if someone told you."

On the next Sabbath almost the whole city gathered to hear the word of the Lord. When the Jews saw the crowds, they were filled with jealousy. They began to contradict what Paul was saying and heaped abuse on him.

Then Paul and Barnabas answered them boldly: “We had to speak the word of God to you first. Since you reject it and do not consider yourselves worthy of eternal life, we now turn to the Gentiles. For this is what the Lord has commanded us: “‘I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.’”

When the Gentiles heard this, they began rejoicing and glorifying the word of the Lord; and all who were appointed for eternal life believed.

Acts 13:41/44-48

Reading the bible is so much different for me now, now that my brain processes things differently and now that I have a better understanding of real history. I do have to take much more time to stop and meditate on things than I ever did before, but this left brained thing isn't all garbage to me, because I have made connections and had eureka moments that I wouldn't have if I were still operating more on my right brained side. I actually read a Putin quote from the Carlson interview that said something like, "We have two hemispheres of our brain. The left side is responsible for one thing, and the right side is the more creative side. But they are both the same mind." 

It is still me. I am still me. This is still my mind. I've just been transferred to another department. I mean, inherently I know this, but still, Vladimir Putin, speaking a voice a reason to me in 2024. Like I said above, unprecedented times, man. At least for this generation. Apparently there's nothing new under the sun.

Last week TruthUnedited began a new series titled "History that Should not be Ignored." He posted a great video on the Knights Templar and this week he posted about the Medici family. And he just finished a two part series that I would highly recommend on the Dangers of Religion. Anyone that is beginning to see the truth in this world and recognize how lies have filled every single denomination will want to check out that two part series. The darkness has infiltrated the assembly more than anything else. There are a couple things that are painful to hear and think about, but now is the time to be thinking about the painful things. We can't put them off any longer.