morning stream of consciousness

Some mornings I wake up and my first conscious thought is "welcome to the prison of nothingness of the rest of your life." Mental illness is obviously no stranger to me, but adding a layer of nothingness is such a weird limbo. I couldn't even focus to read in Genesis this morning. Adam and Eve. This is basic cradle roll stuff and I could not even read it. The last time I woke up with nothing-brain was three weeks ago. Too soon. Too soon! Zero signals in my brain with executive functioning. Feels like cement in my forehead. It can be hard to be motivated to do basically anything when I can't feel the signals my brain might be sending out. 

Bing Creator might have brain fog. I think today my brain landed on either hal-forking or bald c'n.

My brain is like a spinning wheel of random options of what will and won't function correctly on any given day. I prefer the days it lands on "not conscious of the idea that she will never feel physical joy for the rest of her life." It is not that I can't handle that fact, because I can, I have come to terms with it over the last three and a half years. What I don't like, is that on the days that I am conscious of the fact, the little, more obnoxious version of me that lives in the attic of my mind, likes to repeatedly come out and remind me of every little thing I will never feel again. It's me, poking the bear, who is also me. On the plus side, on days that my brain is cushioned with muteness, at least nothing seems to bother me (except myself.)

Seriously, Bing. I tell you EXACTLY what I want and you still can't get it right. You'll never be a real artist.

Self awareness...sometimes I wonder what it must be like to be a person who little to no self-awareness and to live in oblivion all the time. I know a handful of these people and that reality is so foreign to me.

 

Please listen to this video, especially if you choose your body to be the host of a wearable device. I've been spouting out graphene, fungus, and turning into human batteries for years now. If you are still on the fence (or even think I'm insane for this idea) please just give this ten minutes of your time. I really believe this is why the people who have taken the most COVID (why did my chrome book suddenly choose to capitalize that word!? This is new) vaccines are the ones that are following along with this fake narrative the hardest. The more graphene, the more difficult it is to break out of this matrix world. The more connected to the internet you are, the harder it is to break free. 

Now for a bit of a music break.

Sung to the tune of 'Break on Through' by the Doors, You know the light destroys the dark, the dark will fade away. Try to run, try to hide, you'll only be free through Jesus Christ. Only be free through Jesus Christ.

Another of my favorites is 'Testify' by Rage Against the Machine, If you love Jesus Christ, now testify! He's right outside your door, now testify! He gave up his glory, and debt was paid The debt was paid. He lived without sin, and the debt was paid. The debt was paid. He died for all men, and the debt was paid. The debt was paid. He arose from the grave, and the debt was paid. The debt was paid. He controlled the past and controls the future. He controls the present and controlled the past. 

Yesterday I had the thought what if there are literally NO leaders left here. Everyone is either dead or in their bunker, and everything we see is AI. I don't want to speculate into where Kate Middleton is, because maybe she really does have cancer, but everything involved in that situation has been AI. All the people taking the time to scrutinize every last detail of the video released give me a strange feeling that we are just teaching the AI how to fix it's most common mistakes. 

But back to that thought, what if everything we see through a screen is 100% fake and no one is in charge here. I think this is a more plausible idea than even I want to believe. 

I saw some stuff about 3 days of darkness relating to the eclipse, and that is just total garbage. Yes, I believe the eclipse is a warning for something, but I do not believe anything is going to happen simultaneously with the eclipse. There is nothing biblical about this three days of darkness. So if you want to live in fear, go ahead. I mean, you shouldn't since we have zero control over anything except our own morality, but the world is falling down around us and that is scary. But anyway, don't worry about this three days of darkness 'prophecy.' There's definitely many blackouts in the future, but this is not it.