I saw something the other day with my name and age, and it honestly took me more than it should have to realize that yes, I am 39 years old. I stopped caring about my age years ago, but I didn't think I would truly forget how old I was. I'm pretty sure I thought I was 37 or 38. Not even that big of a difference. I'm about to be 40. How does that feel to you, Deanna? You are a middle-aged person.
It is strange hearing about OJ Simpson's death because I remember the murder of his wife being a BIG deal to my fifth grade teacher. She talked about it all the time and was constantly giving theories, and I was always thinking about the two younger children, because they were just a little younger than me. Hearing that he passed away and that he was 76 was a bit shocking to me. I guess it is easy to forget that people you don't think about anymore continue to grow and age.
Nothing. I feel nothing about it. There used to be so much that I actively hated about this meat sack that I live in. And now? I'm just grateful for the parts that still work and function correctly.
Something weird might be going on in South Africa. Yesterday I was watching a live satellite image that looked like something big and warm was making 80 foot waves off the south west coast of Africa. It was this massive black blob, sending waves in all directions. And now people are claiming there is 5 hours of footage missing on the live webcams. They took out the entire portion of the blob. I need to start taking screenshots when I see something interesting, because things are being removed and changed almost in real time.
My brain has been feeling especially muddy the last couple of months. Every once in a while I will boldly proclaim to Peppy, "They've done it again! The next bioweapon has been released and my brain has been knocked down yet another notch."
I impulsively bought some Lion's Mane Mushrooms. I have read about them for years in the long haul group on reddit. But I go through these phases where I really want to try and biohack the best way possible, and other times where I just don't really care one way or another. I literally do not remember what made me buy these at 4 am last week, but here they are, in my kitchen now.
A few years ago my doctor asked me if I was impulsive and I said "no" without even thinking about it. Not me. Not the person who randomly dropped out to college to marry someone she knew for three months, has seven (five non sentimental) tattoos and a nose piercing, sold her house and moved into an RV. Nope. Not impulsive. Not me.
Actually....my strict childhood definitely had some blessings when it comes to learning self control. Apparently I'm only impulsive on the really big things, you know, like getting married and deciding to have a second child. It is a rare occasion that I spend more than $15 on something random without telling Peppy about it. Or maybe I'm impulsive, yet I just don't want or need much.
I probably never needed to take an ADD test. Just show 'em my blog! That's evidence alone for you.
So I've only been taking these mushrooms for a couple days (and I know it could just be wishful thinking) but I truly feel like my ability to recall what I was previously thinking about is waaaaay less muddy. There are times I'll be watching a documentary and pause it because I want to look up something they mentioned, only I have completely forgotten about what I wanted to search in that half a second it took me to open a tab. It often feels like running in mud, or sometimes quickly drying concrete trying to recall my own thoughts. That has been remarkably better the last two days. I really and truly do not believe I could make that up.
Right now I've got a window open and all the birds are coming to life. Our trees are teeming with more sounds than they have since we bought this property 8 years ago. Over the last couple of years the road behind us has had more and more construction, so the woods in between the roads is getting smaller and smaller, leaving less options for the wildlife. I love it AND I hate it. The sounds the first thing in the morning are almost magical. It sounds like I'm in some rain forest and not in small town, middle of nowhere USA.
We have so many Haitian immigrants that come to the food bank that we have a hard time communicating with, so I thought I would add Haitian Creole to Duolingo, and I think it might be a little more difficult for me than Spanish. Although I am pretty impressed with my ability to remember a few words, since I only started yesterday.
Mwen se yon fi. Wap bwe let. L'ap manje pen.
I am a woman. You are drinking milk. He is eating bread.
I think it is always good for my brain to be at least attempting to make new connections, and my brain did not hurt while I was doing these lessons. Sometimes it feels like the front of my brain is like steel wool, or like it's burning whenever I try to do any kind of mental thinking. People talk about having longhaul crashes from overdoing it physically, but I usually crash when I try to overuse my poor brain.
Comments
Post a Comment