stream of consciousness

I am going to go ahead and publish this post because it is Wednesday, the 23rd, and I've had this draft open for almost a week. It is truly a masterpiece in rambling. 

Sunday afternoon I saw a tictac shaped object flying in the sky. I have never seen one before, but I knew immediately what I thought it was. There was no chemtrail and it was keeping steady speed in the sky, although it seemed slower than an airplane. I didn't have my phone with me, and then I lost it behind some trees. Only Gage and I were home at the time, and he was making music so I didn't bother him about something that had already disappeared. I forgot all about it until I saw someone on Reddit posting about seeing a tictac UAP the same time I did. 

I had this dream where I was in a warehouse with a wild mouse spinning coaster. When you got to a certain area of the warehouse, a huge garage door was opened and a red dragon was released to chase after the rollercoaster and it's riders. I made it out alive, but not everyone was so lucky. 

I think the last month of actually going to a job five days a week has put into perspective my new limitations. It is interesting to me that my body can handle physical strain and activity much better than it can mental activity. There were a couple nights last week where I did some really stupid things (that I don't even remember now,) just because I wasn't thinking. It feels like each day I am given a certain amount of brain power, and depending on lots of factors, hormones/what I've been eating/how much I'm sleeping, the amount I am given each day varies. Once my daily allotment of brain is used I don't get anymore until my body resets at night. 

At the food bank we are only open on the food side Wednesdays and Fridays. There is another man who is "in charge" on those two days, so it kind of feels like having a substitute teacher those two days and I can work on other projects.....like making sure all these files are alphabetized correctly. 

I do believe things like this are good for my brain, but hoo boy, does it sometimes make my executive functioning feel like it's driving through a car wash of steel wool. I saw a headline last week that said people who have an easier time spotting patterns are more likely to have a more difficult time making snap decisions. I guess we focus on the big picture and not on the small stuff. 

I also get to do more social work type stuff, like on Monday I had a meeting with the director of Council on Aging about partnering with them in order to get our food boxes delivered to clients who are home-bound, or even picking up disabled clients and bringing them to our facility to get emergency financial assistance. 

My weekends definitely feel like weekends again. Saturday it was raining and I took three or four naps. Peppy was watching golf and I just kept dozing off beside him. A true sabbath rest. 

One of our Wednesday volunteers has a daughter that just graduated from college with some kind of degree in film, and she was throwing around the idea of making a short twenty minute documentary about the food bank. Of course, my mind automatically went to some The Office type scenario, and I was mentally labeling each volunteer as a character from The Office. Unfortunately our Michael Scott was replaced at the beginning of the year. 

Speaking of The Office...

"Phyllis? Where's Phyllis?......Do you believe in me Phyllis? Because I believe in you."

Two things I've never latched on to in this life: Will Ferrell and Evanescence, but Bring Me to Life has become a car sing-along with Owsley, and I would be lying if I told you I didn't have an air juggling solo every time this song comes on Octane. Oh, this child of mine sometimes feels like a carbon copy of me as a thirteen year old. A song I absolutely hated when it first came out has become one that I stop whenever I hear it on the radio. 

Some days it is hard for me to get off the couch and start getting ready to leave (like right now. I should have gotten up five minutes ago because it is a dreaded hair wash day.) I have no problem waking up, and if I could just leave the house at 4:30 and start my day, I most definitely would. But then after I do my morning routine, I usually have about 45 minutes before I need to start getting ready and then by the end of that time I have all these mental pep talks just to remove myself off the couch. Sometimes I legit lay down and roll off the couch just to get my insides cranking. Because I can't stay on the floor....right? I want to get up because I know I have to. I know as soon as I start getting ready I will be fine, it is just difficult connecting the wanting to the actual doing. 

BRING ME TO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE

Sometimes I think about how there are naturally motivated people who can just get stuff done and finish projects they start, and that concept is so foreign to me that they might as well be Bigfoots. 

Owsley showed me this youtube video titled something like, "BOOMERS FALL FOR FACEBOOK AI PHOTOS." It was all of these outlandish pictures of these poverty kids making all sorts of statues and sculptures from garbage. And they had tons of comments, but if you read the comments you could tell it was also AI. So we have these corners of the internet where AI are talking back and forth to other AI. It is a weird thing to sit and think about. 

Peppy bought me a pair of the WeatherX earplugs that I mentioned in an earlier post and if you get head/ear pressure during barometric pressure, I would definitely give these a try. I've had them for about a week now and they are pretty incredible. It is fun to put the earplugs in, squeeze my nose and blow out of my ears. You can literally hear the ear pressure releasing, and you can immediately feel it as well. I am going to carry these in my purse wherever I go. 

Ok. I really do need to get up. 

Come on, now. You can do it.

You've done harder things than getting off the couch.