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yet another stream of consciousness

A bunch of tornadoes came through on Wednesday night, and some of them were so slow moving, or even appeared to be hovering over certain areas for an extended period of time. The four of us, as well as my sister-in-law and two kids, went over to my parent's house because they have a storm 'container.' We did end up huddled in it for about five minutes, and being in that metal box is always a good reminder to be incredibly thankful once we get out. I know the room says it's big enough for twelve people, but this is like saying an RV 'sleeps eight.' We would all go insane piled up like sardines if we ever got stuck in that container for an extended period of time. 

The storm is not the true anxiety. The real anxiety is the thought of the house falling down around the storm box so that we are unable to open it from the inside. There's no cell service in the box, so we'd all be stuck inside this little container waiting to be unearthed, for who knows how long. Stuck in this tiny box, with ten other people for an unknown amount of time, with limited fresh air. That's when the claustrophobia sets in.

As people who have had a lifetime of tornado warnings and watches, we all agreed that this particular line of storms behaved so abnormally. The next day my SIL noticed that my parent's shed had been destroyed. The way that the grass is rooted up and everything is jutted in different directions makes us believe this was tornado damage, and it was only 1/8 of a mile from where we were. We could see huge funnel clouds in the distance, and multiple tornadoes were constantly being reported touching down. 
I should have known something was up, because I had this supernatural peace going on. Not that I'm ever really scared of tornadoes, because I've become so calloused to them (which is not a good state of mind to have about natural disasters either.) But at dinner I had mentioned to Peppy that natural disasters are definitely ramping up all over the world, and who knows when a tornado here will be "the one." And despite being in the living room with the weather person blasting from one direction, my nephew watching a Sponge Bob video, my niece video chatting with her friends and my mom anxiously pacing and talking about bowel movements or something else private, which is usually enough to put my mind in a vacuum where I just zone out, I was so completely chill. I can't explain it though.

Then after we were able to leave the tornado shelter, we went back home and  continued to watch the weather for a few hours. But I just slept and as I was dozing off it made me think about Christ sleeping while the storms were raging around here. 

It is well with my soul.

I have been thinking a couple very specific things about Christ lately. One is the verse where he basically says, "I came to end the world and I wish it had already started. I have to do the worst thing you could imagine, and I am under stress about this all the time." 

"I came to cast fire on the earth, and would that it were already kindled! I have a baptism to be baptized with, and how great is my distress until it is accomplished." Luke 12:49

I have read that verse tons of times, but for some reason it hit different a few weeks ago and I keep thinking about it. Not only because I think it fits in with the idea that we are already in the post apocalyptic times, but also because it would be horrible to live your entire life feeling this nonstop anxiety about your impending painful murder. I think when we focus on the dread that the Messiah felt, it helps remind us that he was living in a human body that experiences a range of emotions and limitations. We really and truly have a savior that understands us on every level. 

I've also been thinking about the description of Christ that is given in Isaiah 53. 

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem."

This reminded me of a lot of peoples views on the immigrants. This is a tough situation all around, but there are so many innocent people involved. These are people, they are souls, and we know God is no respecter of persons. If I have a tiny grasp on how much he loves me, I know he loves you and everyone else in the same way. 

Christ understands these homeless people and these immigrants who the world sneers and turns away from. Can you imagine if Jesus were standing in front of you and you looked at him like he disgusted you because you thought you were better than him? Can you imagine treating the Savior the same way you brushed off that homeless person who asked for spare change? Can you imagine intentionally crossing over to the other side of the street and pretending like you never saw him standing there? 

Oof. This one is tough, because I know we've all had instant snap judgments. We've been conditioned to think certain things, and it takes intent to overcome prejudices that seem to naturally exist in our society. Sometimes we are in a hurry. Sometimes we just don't want to talk to another human. But...but...I can't think of a but. There is no excuse. We should be a tiny spark of Christ to every single person we come in contact with, no matter the circumstances. The only thing we have control over is how we choose to respond in any situation. I am going to try my best to choose love in every circumstance, and for me, this means opening my eyes, because it's so easy for me to bubble myself off. I have no problem being nice to anyone that asks for my help, my problem lies within wanting leave my comfort zone.

I see people if I look, but some days it is easier to not look.

The road is narrow and hard, and is quite often nowhere near my comfort zone. 

If people have been acted weirdly emotional or more irrational lately, there has been a HUUUUUUUGEEEE solar flare going on the last two days, and it is supposed to continue on through the weekend. 

Trying to look for a way to spice up that boring household chores routine? I just sorted and folded my families clothes with my eyes closed. It is like playing a fun app....but in your mind....and without your phone. I tried to convince myself I was playing a game when I attempted to untangle a thin chained necklace last week, but that felt more like torture. And I did not win either. 

It is Mother's Day this weekend, and I really lucked out because my mom's digital frame conked out and the warranty was only for a year. So we chipped in and bought her another one. She is going to be so excited, and it got me off the hook because even though Owsley reminded me Mother's Day was coming up for almost a month, y'all know I waited until the last minute. 

In no big surprise, Neuralink's first human patient has had some problems, with the threads of the implant coming out. Almost like his body was flat out rejecting this foreign material. Fortunately they picked out a physically handicapped person for this human trial, so he will be literally unable to fight back like the monkeys did when they went insane from neuralink implants. 

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