stream of consciousness

Sunday I was walking up the driveway and I saw tons of vultures hovering above the woods. At one point I counted 20, but I'm sure there were more I couldn't see. As I got closer they began to get higher and higher, although one flew right over me and landed in a tree next to me. I had never seen that many together before. It really felt ominous like The Birds on steroids. I imagined that they were all part of one entity that sometimes comes together to form super vulture. Or maybe that red-eyed flying thing my sister-in-law saw flying into the woods last month.

I ran inside to get my phone, because seriously, I have never seen a tornado of vultures swirling around me before. But the closer I got to the house, the higher they flew and by the time I got back outside it was nowhere near as creepy as it had been. What predator was keeping them from descending to the ground? Was it me, or was there something else down there? 

I don't live in the same world I grew up in. And no, this is not some veiled attempt at me saying I'm from another planet or anything like that. I don't think I can blame this solely on my refurbished brain either. I try to pinpoint the date of when the world began to lose its color. Maybe it was when I stopped being able to feel and felt completely severed from the 'pre-covid' me. But I think it is much deeper than that, because this doesn't just end with my brain, this is something tangible that lots of people have also noticed. 

There's no energy, anywhere. It feels like a spark was taken from the earth. Everything is more flat. Younger children are so different. You can put them in groups and they don't have that joyful kinetic energy. Now it is only chaos, and some of the words and phrases that flow right out of the mouths of these kids makes my mind cringe and my heart grieve. This is much more than collective trauma, this is almost as if we have had a change in our DNA. And then on top of that, we now view everything through a calloused lens of demoralization.

Aside from the small children, look at the adults who spend all day playing Narcissus into their phone screen. There's some Black Mirror BS for you. And the dances! Maybe it is because I can not remember a dance routine to save my life, but thinking about the time it takes to record and edit all those videos every day is baffling to me. And for the life of me, I just don't understand the point. It has to be some sort of worldwide ritual. If we put half the energy we spend on the internet into helping others, the change would be phenomenal. 

We live in an advertisement. Everything is an ad for something. Everyone is trying to sell you something or make you believe a certain way. 

I have a hard time understanding how anyone could still believe wifi/5g/wireless everything could not have negative effects on our health. Sometimes I slam the laptop shut because it feels like the screen is trying to activate something in my forehead. It truly feels like there is a scanner coming from my screen trying to connect with something in my brain. There's no way these screens are good for our eyes, and they definitely negatively affect our pineal glands. Peppy and I were talking last night and we agreed that neither of us ever hear anyone say, "I feel better than I ever have!" And just four or five years ago you'd hear someone mention a lifestyle change they made and how much better it made them feel. All you ever hear now is people being diagnosed with cancer, autoimmune disorders, and mysterious neurological disorders.

Lately I have been thinking about what if somehow a massive lie about what our land masses really look like has been told, and there is really much more land beyond the ice walls that we are unallowed to go to? There is some compelling evidence. But I have to stop myself, because these conspiracies can become an idol to me. I know we've been lied to, and these past couple years I have become aware of to just what extent the entire world has been deceived. 

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Where does it end? Where do the lies stop? I have come to realize that anyone that says they are 'awake' is just ignorant and naive. Maybe they have uncovered one layer. But this world is like a labyrinth. You might make it past one turn, but there are many, many more. No one awake will ever say they are awake, because learning more should humble you and make you understand how little you know and how small and insignificant you truly are. 

I have to anchor myself to the one truth. I trust the one who doesn't lie to me. The one that is close to me because I draw close to him. The one who will plainly answer a question I have, instead of confusing me with muddled agenda and riddles. 

I have increasingly felt that "homesick for a place I've never been" feeling that I can remember having since I was three or four years old. I have felt overwhelming grief for the world that is caught up in these meaningless distractions. I wish I could shake people and literally peel back the layer thick veil to show them actual reality. We were born into this little dollhouse with rules and regulations that don't even make sense. We believe we are free, and we ignorantly believe we have some special rights as a human. The only freedom that we have is the truth, and you have to diligently seek that out. 

I've been reading up on the history of alternative medicine. It is fascinating to me that most everything we consider a weed is actually a natural medicine. Absolutely zero coincidence there. Do we live in the upside down? We are born into the bottom of the pit, and we have to furiously dig our way out or we will get sucked into the bog of eternal stench. 

People are afraid the antichrist is coming. If his goal is to confuse christians, I'd say he might have already been here for a while. "His essence is so trustworthy. So...white." This was one of my favorite scenes in Book of Clarence. I had completely forgotten Dr. Strangelove was in the movie. 

I have been working every weekday for the past six weeks and my only gripe (which doesn't have anything to do with the job and everything to do with basic human body maintenance) is that I basically have to push through every morning just to take a shower. I want to be clean, but I loathe showering and washing my hair. If I could have a magical machine where I stepped into it dirty and came out clean and dressed I would buy that. Ugh. There are just so many downsides to the limitations of living in this flesh sack. Give me my eternal robe and I never have to pick out what to wear for...well, for eternity. That alone sounds like an amazing gift for someone like me. 

Speaking of which, I really need to go shower and wash my hair. I think people used to go up to six months without washing their hair. 

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.