morning stream of consciousness

The test begins nowowowwowow......

Well if that's not an end times speech, I don't know what is. Too bad we don't agree on who the 'Jews' are. Really, if you haven't heard this, you should. It's only a minute and a half. Trump and his gang are absolutely NUTS. (And evil.)

Just a thought...isn't Trump's bestie, Elon Musk, the exact type of immigrant that Trump is trying to deport? He came here saying he was going to attend school, which he never did, and then he never left. He's been here almost 30 years. Also, some of Trump's cabinet picks are such troll jobs. It is hard to take any of this seriously when America has become the equivalent of a WWE smackdown. 

And we all know how fake wrestling is. Oh, sports, everything is rigged. I told Peppy and the kids last night at dinner that Jake Paul was going to win the fight after six rounds. Turns out it was eight. I didn't watch any of that garbage, but when you know, you know. I'm not playing along with the collective looshing of humanity. I imagine that is why this was streamed live and free on Netflix. Why didn't they want our money on this one? They always want our money. 

It was a full moon. Could have been some sort of ritual, maybe a humiliation ritual. Or maybe some deeeeeeep chaos magic. 

I thought I was smart,

I thought I was right.

Thought it best not to fight.

Thought there was virtue in always being cool. 

I am hysterically laughing at anyone who thinks RFK is going to rid the sky of chemtrails, or the water of fluoride, or the vaccines of heavy metals. There will be no draining of the swamp, no COVID trials, no peaceful future four years. Actually, it's not funny. It is so sad that people are putting so much trust in a corrupt system built on lies. 

when they say 'peace and security,'......you should know the rest by now. 

I had a budget meeting to go to on Wednesday. I have all these new adult responsibilities. Sometimes I feel like I have this total imposter syndrome, but then someone says something that makes me think maybe I'm too hard on myself. Yesterday I was taking stuff to our accountant's office and she told me that our board treasurer "was really impressed with your presentation during the budget meeting." I'm not really a person who cares about compliments, but our treasurer is known for being a total pessimist, so this gave me a boost of dopamine that no pill can.

I have been having a bit of a struggle since we got back from Kings Island. There was the time-change, which has left me ready for bed at 5 pm each night. There was the weird mind illusion of leaving a yard with green grass and leaves in the trees, and coming home to somewhere that looked like it had been autumn for a while now. That has definitely done a number to my brain. Having problems understanding time and seasons now, it definitely has felt like an alternate reality since we got back. (This could also have to do with the results of the election. There is dejected energy in the air wherever I go.) And of course, sometimes my new body just likes to shut down on its own and confuse me with things that are completely normal.

After working all week, by Saturday my body was done and I napped all day. Peppy fixed breakfast for us, and I immediately fell asleep for hours, woke up and it was already dark outside, was awake for maybe an hour and then went back to sleep again. I don't like it, but sometimes that is what it is. What can you do?

I look forward to my weekends now that I go to the food bank five days a week. The rest of the month is going to be super busy though. Today is Owsley's birthday and our annual 'stuff a truck' fundraiser. We will be swamped at the food bank for the rest of the month as we prepare for Thanksgiving and then give away turkeys the week of Thanksgiving. And then we head to Peppy's parents, where by then I am surely to be absolutely dead tired and possibly (probably) hormonal and full of rage. So that's something I have to look forward to. Also, not trying to jinx myself, but it will be around six weeks since my last trigeminal neuralgia flare up, and since stress can be a trigger, it is surely to happen at my in-law's house. Fun, fun fun! (I remember last Thanksgiving was the absolute worst visit we had ever had.)

I promise I'm not complaining. I am a realist. Based on the patterns of previous years, I am making a realistic analysis of the next few weeks. This is my personal farmer's almanac of emotional disruptors and disregulators. 

And then the next thing you know it will be the new year and I will be the new director. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm not worried, but you know, sometimes I feel like a lobotomized idiot. 

Cause I'm a man, not a boy

And there are things you can't avoid,

You have to face them, 

When you're not prepared to face them. 

The collective energy since the election just seems off. Feelers be feeling and I am feeling a shift. It feels like the spirit of uncaring from the Care Bears movie has taken over. Or the Nothing from Neverending Story is consuming everything in it's path. If you could bottle up the vibe of apathy and entropy, that is what the public energy feels like. Whoever is draining us of this vital thing that makes us inherently human.....well, it feels like they just turned down a dimmer knob and everyone is operating on an ever lower vibration that normal. 

I have to get up now. I have so much to do this morning. Mind over matter. You got this. Do I? Do I really got this? GET UP, DEANNA. Remember, you impulsively bought that new sweatshirt that you can wear today. 

The test is over.