the end is the beginning

I recently saw a post on r/xennials that asked previously gifted students: What did you do when they pulled you out of class? A huge majority of the answers said what I remember most as well, we did puzzles and played Oregon Trail.  Years ago I decided that the 'gifted' program was a guise to search out particular types of children. Children that could potentially be molded and groomed to become certain types of citizens that were influential on humanity. I recognized a lot of patterns between me and my peers who were also in this program. I started thinking about the tiny few that had actually been "successful" in life, where as the rest of us were left somehow feeling we didn't measure up as adults.  As children we were separated and told we were  different.  All our classmates watched as we left once a week, so we were also a little alien to them as well. Now as adults we haven't accomplished anything extraordinary and it has left most of us scratching our ...

I woke up, WIDE AWAKE, at 2 am, but even that seemed too early for me. I'm wide awake. Mind so woke cause my brain never pushed the brakes. If you know this Parquet Court song, then you know this song and rhythm is probably not the best thing to lull you back to sleep. There are horns and whistles in this song. You know, for someone whose brain is pretty empty most of the time, the moment I wake up it sure is like "WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING SO LONG! (like four hours in a row is asking too much.)  I HAVE SO MUCH TO CATCH YOU UP ON." Anyway.... up at 2 am would make for a very, very long day. I flopped back and forth for at least thirty minutes, but I must have briefly gone back to sleep because I had a very vivid dream that Elon Musk died. I saw his dead, gigantic body in a humongous coffin (he was larger than normal in my dream) being hoisted up and literally crowd surfed through his funeral of his mourning and distraught fans. I was somewhere with lots of TVs, because everyo...

Ugh. I believe I am probably in my beginning stages of perimenopause. You probably don't care to know that, but the last two months my mood swings associated with PMS have been absolutely brutal. Like....making me feel so crazy that it reminded me of when I tried to remove my IUD myself. Good times, good times.  Yesterday I was trying to explain it to Peppy in the calmest way possible. It feels as if absolute rage is boiling right beneath the surface of my skin. For no reason at all. I'm not mad at anything, I am furious at everything. It makes me feel like destroying something would be the only thing that would make me feel better. This kind of out-of-control PMS is what made me look into transcendental meditation years ago. It makes me want to destroy everything in my way. I become this natural disaster of a woman, hellbent on a warpath. And I hate it because this is a not a normal feeling for me.  I tried screaming at the top of my lungs on the way to the food bank, and tha...

*I know ya'll might be over all my early morning sky pictures. Sometimes I never know when something that is fascinating to me is too much for someone else. I happened to remember about the  blue kachina Hopi prophecy .  This morning after looking it up I discovered the blue star is to be followed up by a red star.  *Woman arrested for giving a child instructions on how to kill their newborn sibling over  Roblox  messaging. * Flesh eating bacteria  cases rise in Florida. *Archeologists uncover 2000 year old ancient  temple  buried at sea. *Mysterious cold-like  illness  has killed 17 children under five years old in India in under a month. *At least 24 are dead in the Philippines after a  tropical storm   caused flooding and landslides. *Ex CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch arrested for  sex trafficking .  *Woman trapped for hours upside down and in between rocks, after she tries to retrieve her fallen  phone , *Walma...

*Organ donations can only take place from a living donor. Who gets to decide if you are truly brain dead or not? According to NPR harvesting  organs  takes place among the not-so-willing pretty often. This article is about a man who was flailing around and even crying, and because the paperwork said he was brain dead, they sedated him and began to continue with the harvesting. This is legitimately worst-case situation material. *Does this mean Oreos are  demonic ?  *First  neuralink  implant patient reveals he is voting for Trump.  *The system that moves  water around the world is off balance for the first time in known history.  *Russian shadow fleet leaves an  oil spill  all over the world.  *Years ago  Usher said in an interview that he would never let his children stay with Diddy.  *One of the last people to talk to  Liam Payne  claims he said, "I used to be in a boy band, that's why I'm so f*cked up."...

So now the the second moon is actually 2 miles wide and plans to take a real close dip to the earth in November. Huh. I wonder what else we might learn about it over the next couple of weeks. 

Last night I heard that one of the former members of the boy band, One Direction, had fallen out of the third story balcony from his hotel room and died. This information seemed to be breaking news faster than most "fell out of a balcony window" stories do. For some reason, this particular tragic end always seems to afflict those who discover a cure for cancer, or AIDS, or you know, want to whistle-blow something.  There was also another news story about a Jonas brother running off stage in a panic because someone pointed a laser at his face. I don't know anything else about these two young men....but we all know how Hollywood and celebrity culture work around here. It appears that someone is sending a very loud message to all the young men that attended the Diddler's festivities in years past.....STFU. Or else.  Y'all know by now that sometimes I just know things. I don't get to choose what I pick up on, I just intuitively know something. And I know that is w...

You probably didn't even hear about this, but the Department of Defense has quietly activated martial law. Read correctly it says that the government can legally fly unmanned drones to kill Americans. Ah, our own government. Always looking out for the best of it's people.  I just remembered this dream Owsley had back in the RV where he said all these people were eating at an outside reception after a wedding and drones came in and just started killing everyone. Around the same time I was having dreams of being in a big city and schrapnel falling from the sky and impaling people. I remember Queen Elizabeth made eye contact with me and put her finger up to her mouth in the universal "shhhh" sign, and then went inside a building with a green door.  The restraint I had yesterday morning, I'm telling you. Sometimes I have more willpower than I know. I have recently remembered that I have the first couple paragraphs of  The Tell-Tale Heart  memorized from like 9th grade...

Crawling my way out of a ten day trigeminal neuralgia flare up. Seriously, I always feel like a sleep-drunk bear trying to somehow climb a steep well out of hibernation. It takes effort and determination to bust out of the tegrafog. It just wants to swirl and whip around me and pull me back under, and sometimes it is so, so easy to just give in to the spell and sleep another day away.  I have basically slept away the month of October. Even in my waking hours, I might as well have been asleep. I can't tell you anything that really happened the last couple of weeks.  Up until a couple weeks ago, my longest flare up was six or seven days, so obviously realizing they can last longer than that is so extremely exciting to me. I just can't tell you how thrilled this makes me. I knew I was in for a doozy when I woke up one morning and had to immediately puke.  Hello, friend! Did you miss me? In the beginning of these flare ups, I try EV-ER-Y-THING. I try all my tricks. I pull eve...