the end is the beginning

Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'The potter has no hands?' Isaiah 45:9 Do you ever wrestle with God? I certainly do. Sometimes I feel like an angsty teenager when it comes to my relationship with our creator. Some things I argue with the Lord about are: *Why does my brain work the way it does? *Why can some women not have children when others (who probably shouldn't be mothers to begin) have no trouble conceiving? *Why are children allowed to abused? *Why me? Why do I have this amazing relationship with you when other people can't find you at all? I read the truechristian subreddit regularly and there are often christians claiming to cry out to God and come away empty. This is something I just do not understand, because I know the relationship I have with the Lord is real, and I wrestle with the idea that ...

There's a constant tug of war for our souls going on.  Sometimes it really does feel like the old cartoons with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, both sides providing pretty good arguments of why we should do (or not do) a particular thing. One specific way that the spirit world is fighting over us is through our words. "All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." James 3:7-8 Our words have power. They can build people up, or they can tear you down. The entire third chapter of James talks a lot about controlling our tongue. In fact, the benefits of being careful of your words are found all throughout the bible, both the old and new testaments.  Obviously there are huge psychological effects of yelling and going off on someone. You can cause lifelong trauma to a child by lashing out in anger. You can lose the tr...

My family and I lived five years in an RV. My husband and I both felt this tug to downsize and focus on our family. So we gave away a majority of our stuff, bought an RV and some land, and sold our house.  The first three years were amazing. We traveled to 23 states and visited national parks that I'd only read about. My favorites were Glacier, the Badlands, Death Valley, Joshua Tree, Redwoods, and Yellowstone. We went on factory tours, visited the Corn Palace, rode a train to the Grand Canyon, went on a jeep ride on the sand dunes in Oregon, and took a whale tour in Washington. We stood on the muddy banks of the Wishkah and saw Kurt Cobain's childhood home. We went through Roswell, New Mexico and watched the bats fly out at Carlsbad Caverns. We met unforgettable people, like Boyd from Michigan, who carried sausages in the front pocket of his overalls, and Bob in Sedona, Arizona, who was playing the flute from a rock formation and might have previously murdered his wife. We saw...

The upside of the Q psyop is that is really did open some people's eyes about the evil that goes on behind the scenes. The downside of the Q psyop is that it made all conspiracy theorists look like absolute nut jobs, or even a danger to society. I mean, we already had a reputation for being a little off the rails, but now everybody associates critical thinkers with Q followers. It makes me want to puke. As fringe as most conspiracies are, it is a little surreal to me that Q grew to be as big as it was. It almost seems like mass hysteria. Maybe people just thought they really were fighting evil with the potential to save the world. I'm not sure. But those believers hung on until Joe Biden was inaugurated. And a few still haven't given up hope yet, claiming that Trump is going to start the patriot party and take up where he left off. In my opinion, it's impossible to research deep government conspiracies and be partisan to one political camp or the other. If you don't...

We are living in the age of the internet, where information is boundless. Except it's more like we are living in the age of nonstop propaganda. Accurate information is a scarce resource. Nothing makes any sense and it's so difficult to find correct knowledge on even the simplest of questions. Source contradicts source, and if you're not careful you find yourself being ping ponged back and forth between what you believe and what they want you to believe. Your emotions begin to be yanked back and forth so much that you find yourself always on edge, always ready to argue your point to anyone that has a different view. We are in a state of constant consumption and it's killing us. Mentally, spiritually, and physically. We are being drained nonstop and there's never any downtime for us. Even though many of our lives have slowed down over the past months, most of us have just been watching more media than normal. We are sitting in front of screens for both work and leisur...

It seems like we are greatly divided on how to feel about the vaccine. There are the staunch supporters, the hardcore anti-vaxxers, and the curious skeptics. There has been a lack of clarity in what the vaccine even does. Does it make you immune? Does it just make symptoms more manageable? Can you still spread the virus? Will you have to continuously get a booster? The side effects seem to vary greatly as well. Some people have no adverse effects whatsoever, while others experience fever, fatigue and aches, which are very similar to the virus itself. Some are even reporting seizures and tremors. There have even been deaths after being vaccinated, but the media claims none of these deaths were related to the vaccine. ::crickets chirping:: I feel like we have enough people who are willing to take the vaccine that they won't become mandatory for the time being. I'm not sure statistics or percentages, but I do believe they won't focus on the anti-vaxxers just yet. I've been...

I wish I could somehow convince unbelievers that following Christ is nothing like the world wants you to think. It's not rigorous rules and pointing fingers. It's actually more hippy dippy than it is legalistic. It's the desire to love and help others even when that's not the easiest thing to do. It's trying to see the whole picture without judging anyone. It's becoming that one person who just won't give up on the person that has ruined relationships with everyone else. It's understanding your vulnerability and using your weaknesses to empathize and relate to others. It's recognizing your need for a Savior because you know you cannot do this alone. It's sacrificing your time and talents to help others because that's what brings you the most happiness. It's transforming who you used to be into who you were created to be. It doesn't happen over night, but little by little our bad habits and vices are chipped away and replaced by fruits...

 It's a clone, it's a deepfake, it's....Joe Biden. If you know me, then you know I have been questioning what exactly Joe Biden is for a while now. Who is this person masquerading as Mr. Biden, and what have they done with the real one? Why is Jill always tugging him along and cutting him off before he says something stupid? Shouldn't the leader of the free world (hah) be able to carry himself without the aid of a handler? If you have ever looked into the fake Paul McCartney conspiracy, you know how easy it would be to replace someone. It's probably done more often than we realize.  I do believe a lot of what we see on TV are staged events and deepfakes. If you stare at the people long enough you realize they look more like a realistic video game graphic than an actual human. Their gestures and movements seem a little off, but it's not enough to really draw attention unless you are searching for it. I think that years of human conditioning with snapchat and in...

It's been almost two years since Titus died. Some days seem to blur together and pass without much significance, but I remember the moment he died like a horrible snapshot. Time froze. I still think of him often. I loved that dog so much. He brought so much joy to my life. Probably unfairly to Joey, but I find myself comparing them. She is no comparison, and I hate it. I miss having the companionship that a sane and not half feral animal can provide to you. Joey loves us and I do love her too, but she is psychotic and very reactive. I'm holding out that she will calm down as she gets older. She does have some positive traits. You just have to search for them under her wild exterior.  When Titus died it felt like a limb had been cut off. It was traumatic. We had given him a goofy voice and a personality. We would "talk" for him, and suddenly that part of our lives was gone forever too. I grieved in a way that I had never experienced before. I can remember being in shoc...

"If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the Lord does not take place or come true, that is a message the Lord has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously, so do not be alarmed." Deuteronomy 18:22 This verse has been on my mind a lot lately. 'Prophets' have been coming from the woodwork claiming Donald Trump would have a second term as president. Something I've noticed since becoming a born again believer is that I have an eye for discernment. I've always had a pretty good BS meter, but now it's taken to the next level. I can't take any credit for this because it is clearly a gift from the Lord. Maybe it's because my eyes were opened to the reality of the spirit realm when I was caught up in the new age deception. You can never go back after something like that, and now I can spot a fraud from a mile away. I sometimes think about how King Solomon said "with much knowledge comes much sorrow." And I can understand that because...

This is not a political post about the legitimacy of masks and social distancing. I'm just thinking about the possible long term psychological effects.  Babies and small children learn the most from mimicking others. They being to understand emotions from reading people's facial expressions. So what happens when those expressions are suddenly removed from their view? I wonder if this generation of young children will grow up to be less empathetic and compassionate because they never picked up these cues. Especially the ones who are in daycare most of their waking hours and the only faces they see are masked up. Facial expressions cross language barriers and we use our expressions to communicate our feelings and emotions. What happens when that is extinguished for a generation that hasn't yet mastered understanding happiness, anger, fear, surprise, sadness, contempt, and disgust? Maybe the masks won't end up being a huge issue after all, but what about touch? We had alre...

 All around people are anxious and scared. As an empath (I need you to know how much I hate that term and wouldn't use it if there were an alternative better than 'feeler') I can feel energy shifts around me, and right now the air tingles with a restless energy that has been building since March. Only now the energy has been divided into teams and you are being taught to hate the other side. But here's the truth, the leaders of both those teams know each other. They spend time together and they don't actually hate one another like the media tells you. They are actors, playing their role. They do not care about me or you. In fact, they are having a good laugh at our expense. Do you think they are worried about the state of the world? No way. On one side we have a manipulative narcissist, and on the other side we have someone that might not even be human. A clone, a hologram? I don't even know, but something is off with the dude. Did they intentionally make him re...

 As far as I can remember, I have felt this deep feeling that I was made to do something important, something that would make a difference. I never knew what though, and I never felt obligated or motivated to do anything out of the way. I've always been fairly content leisurely doing the things that made me happy, but never excelling in them. Any job that I've ever had was just for money, and not doing anything I loved. It was a means to and end, but my job never defined me. I dropped out of college, got married, had two kids. Throughout this all, in the back of my head I still always thought I was meant for something, I just never went out of my way to search for it. I know a lot about mental illnesses and I also understood that this could be some sort of delusion of grandeur. Are delusional people aware they are delusional? No. I have been delusional a few times in the past and I never realized it at the time. I acknowledge that admitting thinking I was born for something gre...

"Magic" is real. But it's not what people think.  I think there is power in the collective intent of a mass group of people. We can almost shift reality. I believe it's just like prayer. Our prayers and intentions change the spirit world, which has control over our world. Negative words we say out loud draw negative entities closer to us. They follow us around and feed off of our emotions. Mainstream media manipulates our emotions through slow and deliberate brainwashing and propaganda. We are dumbed down and in a constant state of anxiety. That is why so many turn to addictions, to numb the despair.  When a portion of humanity are in a negative mindset, the spirit world can feel that. It's a parasitic relationship, where the spirit is the parasite. They thrive while the host slowly dies. Other times people willfully call out to the spirit world. Sometimes the spirit world responds. The human arrogantly believes that they work together with the spirit, but the s...

I am currently recovering from coronavirus. I made it almost a year and then it got me before 2020 ended. I believe I might have contracted it from someone who had been vaccinated the week prior. I have no evidence, only a strong mistrust for the vaccine. This particular person had daily exposure to the virus since March with no problems, and then they suddenly get the virus after being vaccinated. Highly suspect to me. And so my conspiracy brain automatically jumps to the conclusion that 10 of us got the virus from the vaccinated person. (I could be wrong though. I don't know everything.) This was the strangest virus I've ever had. I initially assumed I had a sinus infection, because real sudafed made me feel normal. But then I woke up one morning and had lost my entire sense of smell. So when, one by one, my extended family began to all test positive, I was certain I also had the virus. I experienced mild fatigue and aches, as well as loss of my sense of smell. which has come...

No one wants to think about this life ending. Well, most people don't. Deep in my gut I feel that life as we know it is ending. It's changing right before our very eyes. I've accepted it. I'm resigned to it, and I'm ok. The Lord has given me peace in my mind.  I have been a born again believer for almost six years. I didn't really understand the term 'born again' until I actually experienced the transformation of my own mind and heart. Since then I have been on a daily journey to grow closer to Christ and to use my time on earth to help those around me. The past few years I have prayed daily that my eyes would be opened and I would see the world for what it truly is.  My family and I went to Disney World in September 2019. This was our fourth trip over the course of four years. We loved the feeling of being in the bubble. It was almost like a drug. I had this feeling that I needed to enjoy that trip to my fullest because it would be our very last chance ...

Everything is a lie. It's all a game. If anyone is in office it is because the powers that be allowed them to be. Democracy is not real and people have been so brainwashed and conditioned from birth that they literally cannot see that there are master puppeteers pulling all the strings. Chemicals, medicines, fake foods and the media have all been shoved on you from the time you were born to break your spirit and make you unable to realize your full potential. Propaganda and emotional manipulation have kept you from thinking freely about anything. If you disagree with anyone, about anything, you are a nazi bigot.  Q is a psyop. Trump is not your savior. Biden might be a hologram. Nothing is what it seems at face value. We have been intentionally pitted against each other because we are easier to conquer when we are divided. That's where we are right now-a nation of hate. We have been taught to hate anyone with opposing views to ours.  A house divided will not stand. And that...