the end is the beginning

Who am I? This is a question that runs through my brain numerous times a day. My mind seems to have two states that it flops back and forth between: terrible and better. But never what it used to be. I feel like whoever I am now has taken hold of old Deanna's body. I have old memories, but absolutely no feelings or emotions attached to those memories. I can think back to the best and worst moments of my life, and it feels like they happened to someone else. I am someone else now. I don't even know that person. My recollection of anything that happened this past year is basically nonexistent, and the past five years are just a muddled blur. I only have a handful of RV memories, and former Deanna used to have a wonderful memory. I used to feel like my mind was my favorite thing about myself. It was as if my brain didn't have a lid and that a full spectrum rainbow shot from every angle, reaching into worlds I could only imagine. I was creative and made connections in my mind a...

*Study suggests that 2/3 of vaccine injuries are actually  'nocebos'  and are just imagined. Way to gaslight the people who trusted in the vaccine.  *Just in time for the winter Olympics, China is bringing back  anal swab testing . *Thousand protest the mandates  in Ottawa. Trudeau and his family move to a secret  hiding place  during the Canadian trucker protests.  *Amazon is opening a 30,000 square foot store with QR codes and  palm-scanning checkout . * Driverless trucks  are set to take over the roads in Texas.  *The last two years have sucked us into a pandemic  memory hole , where everything is blurry has a dreamlike (more like nightmare) quality about it. * Neuralink  prepares for its first human trials.  *Woman who helped out at the crash site of the lab monkeys is now  sick . *The sea  freezes  in Greece. *Winter storm hits  northeast America  causing flights to cancel and leaving tho...

Not much has been going on here lately. In fact, the past couple of weeks have seemed to have gone by incredibly slowly. I've mostly been (trying to) read. I got halfway through Children of Men  and then my brain shut off. I can't tell you how many times I have had to stop reading books over the past year. I used to feel a little guilty stopping a book halfway, even if I wasn't enjoying it. But now I can be thoroughly enjoying a storyline when my brain decides to make the decision for me. Womp Womp. At least I don't care. At the food bank a couple weeks ago one of our volunteers got upset about something and she said, "I wish I didn't have any emotions like you, Deanna." It has its upsides, but at other times it is incredibly surreal and lonely. I have been reading up on Vril Society and droning and cloning. I am not sure I can get behind reptilian overlords, although the idea that we all have parasites that influence us in certain ways is very believable,...

Imagine if you will.....It is a below freezing night in Pennsylvania. You are taking your dog out for the last time of the night when you hear a loud rustling in the trees behind you. Suddenly a chimpanzee swings forward, and when your dog tries to protect you, the chimp bites you on the arm. You go to the hospital and receive the adequate rabies shots. Unfortunately you die of a mysterious new disease and become patient zero of the new outbreak: monkeypox. At least you weren't counted a covid death though. Small victory. This sounds like the beginning of a very bad sci-fi movie. Seems preposterous, right? Last night monkeys  escaped  after a truck that was delivering 100 animals to a lab crashes. As of right now, all but 4 of them have been caught. As soon as I saw that news story this morning my mind immediately thought back to how the US bought  $113 worth of smallpox vaccines  back in November. I wonder if the monkeys were headed to the  lab  in Pennsyl...

The first generation iphone was released to the public in 2007. I was probably one of the last people to jump on the smartphone train. I used my nokia 3310 until it literally fell apart and the person at the tmobile store referred to it as an "antique." From there, I slowly graduated to having a smartphone, but I fought it as long as I could, and now that I have a laptop again I'm seriously considering going back to an old school brick cellphone whenever Peppy upgrades his phone. I kind of hate what having nonstop access to the internet has done to not only me, but society as a whole.  I don't think the internet is necessarily a bad thing. It can be a great learning tool and is also a wonderful way to stay connected, but this is only if we 'log off.' Having unlimited access to whatever might tickle your ears can open up a world of dark doors. Not to mention the fact that you only get one life to live, and a majority of society are choosing to live it virtually...

I really let my links add up in my inbox, so I've got a big list for you today. I hope everyone has a small stockpile of essentials or guilty pleasure snacks, because those may be temporarily (permanently?) unavailable due to Canadian  trucker boarding crossing vaccine mandate. I think we are only beginning to see inflation take swing and over the next couple of months it may become much harder to purchase particular items that we took for granted. Even a small disruption in a supply chain has a ripple effect, and this is no small disruption.  *Walmart prepares to enter the  Metaverse . I literally have to mentally psych myself up to go to Walmart, so  I don't know who would willingly support them in a virtual reality. *Volcano erupts in the  Pacific , and many wait for word from their families after communications with Tonga are  cut  due to a severed fiber optic cable. *Argentine government admits the vaccines contain  graphene oxide . *Midwive...

It is cold and sleeting outside. I let Frankie out about an hour ago and had to go find him and almost slipped down our deck. I never feel quite as alive as I do in that millisecond when I know I'm about to fall flat on my face.   This last week really got away from me. Nothing happened, but sometimes the days just drift by without me even realizing it. I wake up, and the next thing I know, it is bedtime. Yesterday it was cold and wet, and I mostly spent my day on the couch under a new electric throw Peppy got for me. I have had a decent brain week, so instead of writing, I've been taking advantage and reading instead. Giving myself a eye strain headache in the process, but oh well. Last year I stopped reading so many books after only 1/3 or 1/2 because my brain gave up, and I can't just jumpstart it on my own again. This is all a cyclical process. So when I do get a brief reprieve from the brain fog, I better take advantage.  Frankie knows where the best seat is around h...

Military documents contradict what Fauci said under oath. (A link to all the documents can be found here .) They knew from the very beginning that Ivermectin and Hydroxychloroquine could help with covid. Honestly, being a conspiracy theorist only gets you the news before everyone else and makes you look like a lunatic while you wait for the truth to come out. So basically, they unleashed a man-made virus, knowing from the beginning how to cure it. They flat out refused to use the known remedies and instead put people on ventilators which would increase their chance of death. Instead of supplying the cure, they created a vaccine and began to mandate it to people all over the world. They chose to let millions of people die. And now, because of both the virus and the vaccine, we have heart, cognitive, neurological and immune problems in numbers that we didn't have two years ago. We have athletes dying while performing and young people dying in their sleep- and yet this is all blamed o...

-The algorithm chose this video for me and I was watching it while I hula hooped. The sun is shining and I'd love to be walking outside, but it is so windy. So inside exercise it is. Anyway, if you have children, or even if you are interested in living in the metaverse, this is a very good video to watch. I really do believe they are trying to make reality suck as much as possible so that we will be drawn to a virtual world. And while they would be happy for any generation to join, they are really aiming towards the youth. Games like Roblox are getting them prepped for living in a virtual reality and buying things (with real money) that literally do not exist.  -Is it too soon to talk about Bob Saget? I think I'm ok because I highly doubt anyone directly related to the Saget family will stumble upon my blog. If they do, my condolences. I grew up with TGIF and AFV. It got me to thinking about how America took covid seriously after America's sweetheart, Tom Hanks, tested posi...

I've been reading up on Beyond Meat and I hope to put together a post about that soon. Sometimes there will be certain figures or events that just don't even touch my radar (like Joe Rogan and Alex Jones- I don't know why, but I've never felt the need to listen to either one of them at all.) And then you have certain things that instantly make my brain light up with questions, and Beyond Meat has been on my brain a lot lately, especially after reading that KFC is going to release their new chickenless chicken sandwich . When you mix in the idea that they are trying to add mRNA to vegetables, and the fact that the Gates Foundation owns a majority or American farmland, well.....I'm getting ahead of myself. Coming soon: You are what you eat. * Real NOT Rare  is a website of personal accounts of people who have either died or had adverse reactions to the vaccines.  *84 year old Bihar man claims to have gotten  twelve covid vaccines . Does this guy know how to party, or ...

It is my belief and understanding that the nasal swabs-both rapid and antigen, paper masks, and all variants of the vaccine contain graphene oxide nanoparticles. Graphene oxide causes thrombosis in the body. It causes blood clots as well as causes immune issues by throwing off natural balance. The higher the dose of graphene oxide, the higher the immune issues. Maybe this is why they are pushing the continual boosters, and why they are now suggesting to toss all the cloth masks and only use the paper ones . Graphene oxide accumulates in the lungs, causing respiratory issues.  And lets not forget the magnetic craze that happened when people were first vaccinated. What, other than the graphene oxide, could have done this to them? Humans are not naturally magnetic, but surprise! Graphene oxide has electromagnetic properties.  Graphene oxide can also be activated by certain bandwidths. 5g maybe? Could that be why we saw all the videos from Wuhan of people falling over dead in the ...

source I remember this conversation I had with my sister-in-law the last week of December 2020. It was the week my family spent during our yearly beach house trip. (You know, the week we all got covid.) Emily, my brother, Owsley and I had all decided to go to the little amusement park, and Emily and I were waiting for Owsley and Jonathan to ride something that would have made us both puke. I don't even remember what got us to talking about children and infertility, but she said, "You know, I'm kind of over it now. I'm past the age where all my friends have had kids, so I think I'm at peace with that. But it will be hard again when my friends become grandparents." My brother and sister-in-law are two of the most loving and nurturing people I've ever known. I couldn't imagine two people more equipped to be parents, and it has absolutely baffled me why they had such horrible luck getting pregnant. One thing that has always bothered me is how some women wh...

New Year's day was a record breaking 79 degrees and then terrible storms with tornadoes. Yesterday it was 30 degrees and last night it snowed. Nothing to see here. Sorry for the melodramatic post yesterday. Some days I get so overwhelmed with grief because either 1.) I see where this is headed and it is absolutely horrible, and my heart despairs for those who continue to live in Lord Lying Fauci Land or 2.) I am absolutely insane. Either choice is unpleasant. I don't believe I am crazy, but I do believe that sometimes ignorance is bliss (to a point.) With much knowledge, comes much sorrow. I desire knowledge and truth, and I understand that quest can be a lonely one. Not everyone wants to know the secret workings of the world, and that is ok with me. What I cannot understand though, is how after two years people are still falling for these lies that the media spews at them. Our *narrative* has been changed dozens of times over the past two years and we are all supposed to ...

My entire life I have felt homesick for a place I've never been. I don't feel it as often as I used to, but I can remember being as young as four and laying in bed at night, thinking that I was either born in the wrong time, or the wrong place. There was this yearning, this longing, for someplace that I couldn't put my finger on. But basically my entire life I felt like I was plopped down in a world that was so alien and foreign to me. In the beginning it was hard to understand the motives of people, but understanding the psychology behind why we do what we do has become a passion of mine over the years. And now I can see things that other people don't see just by reading the room. I can feel the energy of others, and sometimes I think maybe that is another thing that makes life so difficult for me at times. Arguing and complaining wear me out, and indignant personalities absolutely drain me. Watching The Giver a few nights ago, there is a scene where the main character...

I finally got around to printing out pictures from the past couple of years. Unfortunately I completely cracked the glass of this particular frame. I think there is a metaphor for life in there somewhere. And even though they haven't been hung yet, it is nice to have some new family pictures to put up in the house. Despite....everything....we have had a nice year. Sometimes I feel ashamed for feeling low because I literally have no reason. My family and I are so blessed. Happy New Year! Or maybe I should say Happy Groundhog Day, and welcome back to more of the absolute very same. There's always the potential for everything to go suddenly downhill even further, so you know, whatever, welcome to 2022. But since the calendars have changed, what is the real date? It is not even the actual beginning of a new year if we are talking about the original very first day, or even the original very first calendar. Sometimes when I really dwell on the fact that what we have been taught to be...