the end is the beginning

Prior to six months ago, I had never had an ongoing prescription for anything. I'm not saying this in a boastful way. I generally avoid doctors at all costs. Something must have happened to me as a child to have such an aversion to the doctor. I'm not scared to go. I just don't think there's much point unless you literally have a limb de-attatching from your body or some kind of flesh eating bacteria. I think antibiotics should only be used in extreme situations, and I would rather scour sources for a more natural solution as opposed to a scientifically engineered one.  I've never judged anyone for having a prescription for anything. Life is hard and I'm sure growing up injesting toxins and chemicals really takes a toll on our brains. On the flip side, I never realized how.....normal an antidepressant could make you feel. After being on wellbutrin for six months I am a bit blown away at how much more difficult my entire life has been because I've been unmedi...

I bought decaf coffee, only not on purpose. Peppy asked if I put something different in the coffee (yeah, I didn't put caffeine in it.) Getting decaf coffee has been a fear of mine since the brain fog set in. Maybe fear is too strong of a word, but I've always tried to be extra careful when buying coffee at the store. I seriously cannot believe I got decaf. I've made many similar mistakes over the past 19 months, but never with the morning supply of caffeine. I would like to blame this on the fact that Peppy's dad had been staying with us last week, and after having to be "on" for four days, I was mentally exhausted. This is true, but it is also true that I could have made that mistake even on a good day. I have these brief moments of what I like to call "moments of sheer and utter confusion" where my mind is literally blank and I don't know where I am or what time of year it is. It is basically like a brief moment where I feel like I'm free ...

I have been eating my dirt before bed for a month now. The more I see articles and celebrity endorsements about  eating bugs  or drinking  cockroach milk , I can't help but wonder if this is all about parasites. Especially now that I really do see the connection between how parasites can affect our thought processes.  I still haven't had a single negative effect, only a positive experience. I haven't been bloated in a month, no matter what I eat. The hair on my scalp is finally starting to feel thicker again, so I assume there are lots of little baby hairs beginning to sprout all over. My lack of sugar cravings also drastically reduced any PMS symptoms this month. I know my sugar intake seems to go hand-in-hand with how crazy I feel before my period, and this month I didn't feel any drastic mood changes from week to week. I had one day where some random stuff was making me irritable, but I usually have an entire week of feeling irrationally irritable or sad and lonel...

* Zombie deer  spotted in Ohio and Indiana. They say this isn't transmissible to humans, but the symptoms sound a lot like rabies. So don't get bitten by any deer that don't seem afraid of you and have strange colored skin. *Is the real reason the bug cuisine agenda is beginning to be pushed.... parasites ?  *Scientists have created the first ever lab grown  synthetic embryo . What could possibly go wrong? *Another group of scientists have recreated the  1918 flu , and I'm not sure why. *Updated  omicron booster  is just weeks away from being available, but you will only be eligible if you've had your previous covid shots. This is odd to me because are there really people who want this booster that didn't get the others?  * Monkeypox  has now reached all 50 states. *Whistleblower admits that the twitter narrative is run by millions of  bots . *According to  John McAfee's  ex-girlfriend, McAfee faked his own death and is now living i...

We took the kids to see Weird Al Saturday night. I have been a fan since his Bad Hair Day album came out when I was 11. I am sure that I played and sang those songs so much that my parents had to learn to manually tune me out. I don't really know how the kids were introduced to Weird Al, other than me (or my older brother) probably playing some random song one day and they were hooked. To me, Weird Al is one of those musicians that can pull you out of a bad mood. How can you stay upset while singing along to "Like a Surgeon" hey! cutting for the very first time. Like a sur-er-er-er-geon, here's a waiver for you to sign. Or another favorite of mine, "I think I'm a clone now. There's always two of me just hanging around. I think I'm a clone now, cause every chromosome is a hand me down." We went and saw him three or four years ago at a large amphitheater where we sat on the grass. Weird Al was there with all the parody hits and theatrics with costu...

*Fifteen major  food brands  are quietly slipping bugs into our foods. *A secular look at a  digital antichrist . *Humans are not prepared for a pandemic caused by a  fungal infection . *A recent document shows that 44% of pregnant women in the covid vaccine trials had  miscarriages . This makes me so angry and sad. Doesn't anyone remember  thalidomide babies  from the 60s? I'm clearly no doctor, but my common sense alone tells me that if you are pregnant it is best not to be a laboratory experiment.  *Look, I don't know 100% what they are doing to us, only that everywhere I look people have become dumber, myself included. People vacantly staring into space, words are stumbled over, thoughts are lost, simple math cannot be done, and words are forgotten how to be spelled. Some people will say this is all due to lack of social skills the past two years, but some of our lives have not changed socially, so how do you explain that? Now warnings are goi...

I understand why old ladies carry cats around like babies. There's something comforting about that weight in your arms, just like there's also something comforting about Sheldon laying over my legs right now. Animal therapy. Frankie and Sheldon are also a good audience for my pre-dinner shows. Last night I was belting out some Disney tunes and I'm pretty sure Sheldon's favorite was my rendition of Under the Sea. Frankie seemed more partial to the Gilligan's Island theme song. I accidentally left my car running when I went into the gas station yesterday. This is the second time I've done this in two weeks. At least I locked it this time. When we were going to Six Flags we stopped at this huge truck stop/tourist trap of a gas station called Bucc-ees. We were inside for probably ten minutes before we went back to my car only to realize not only had I left it running, but I had also left my keys inside.  I used to be so OCD about locking doors, making sure ovens wer...

"Are you ok?" my younger brother asked me one day last week. Even though we fought like cats and dogs as children, Blake and I can often communicate with our minds. I can make eye contact and also do the same with Jonathan, but his facial cues are harder to read. He's got a good poker face. Blake's eyes always give his mood away.  I was, in fact, fine. But what is fine for me now anyway? The next time he asks I'm going to say, "Well, the world is ending and not many people can see it, and I literally cannot force myself to care about anything." So I guess that is probably what I was thinking about when he asked me. I'm sure I had a deer in the headlights look. It is very easy for me to zone out. Everything around the world is purposely crumbling and the only way to save our planet is to come together and make way for a new utopia. Only, it is not going to be a utopia for anyone. The world illusion is breaking down, although for some strange reason, ...

Intrusive thoughts. I just always thought everyone had them. As a young child I assumed everyone had these random insane thoughts or ideas and you just had to filter out the bad ones the best you could. I didn't know everyone else wasn't thinking about what would happen if I ate the gingerbread man off the tree at school, or if I threw an eraser at the back of the teacher's head. I thought everyone laughed in their mind at the idea of just randomly tripping someone. I always thought, "Well as long as these things stay in your head, no harm done."  I also thought everyone had these little doorways in their brain like a village and the villagers would open their window and give their unsolicited advice. There would be me, the main character, and then these other voices that subconsciously formed how I viewed the world through parasite colored lenses. I mean, who hasn't wondered if a head smashed against the pavement sounds similar to throwing a pumpkin or waterm...

When did we become this? How is this a news story? Time is running short, people. Tribulation is coming.  *Christian high school was surprised with a  drag show  in place of church service. Well, that is disturbing.  *First it was Lady Gaga and her invisible forcefield. Now Kendrick Lamar  disappears  while performing on stage. Is anything real anymore?  *Unprecedented rain shuts down  Death Valley *A  transhumanism  biohacker has over 50 implants and magnets in her body. *I watched an Andy Warhol documentary and it was pretty cool because they used voice recordings to make it sound like he was reading his diary aloud. But would you want your  dead grandma  teaching you how to bake cookies?  *Germans will be able to change their  gender  once a year. Choose your own gender adventure! Don't like the results? Just go back to the previous chapter and start over.  *The  UN  declares war against conspir...

Yesterday afternoon I was trying to take a nap. For some reason all day yesterday I thought it was Tuesday. I was on the very brink of falling asleep. You know that wispy feeling when sleep comes slinking up on you and slowly grabs hold? But if you don't willingly grab the tail end, it will pass you by. After Six Flags and then Tuesday the food bank and our weekly grocery run, yesterday was house cleaning day and I was tired. Anyway, I was ready for a power nap. I was just about to float away when I heard a pounding on our front door. (We don't have a doorbell. We never got a doorbell. That doesn't even matter.) It was our neighbor. You know, the one who wanted to keep us from getting our house. We still see him from time to time. He'll bring us half of a watermelon, which is really nice of him. I need to ask where he buys his because they are always better than the ones I get.  He was telling me that some man had escaped a barricade and that he was hiding out at the in...

Yesterday I took the kids to Six Flags. (Sorry Jonathan, we thought Peppy was going with us until the very last minute.) This was the first time we had been all year. We ended up not getting season passes this year because at the time we were paying for our Universal trip and didn't have extra cash to spend. They were on sale for about $40 and I told Peppy I'm sure they would be that cheap later. Nah, Six Flags got bought out this past year and now season passes are $120, which for this particular park is definitely not worth it. Due to understaffing there were still many stores and attractions (mostly kiddie stuff) that were shut down yesterday. These things don't bother me, but they are going to have to make some changes in the park for people to pay those prices for passes. In October day tickets will be $89 (what!?) I looked up other theme parks to compare. Dollywood (a much superior park) has one day tickets for $79 or a two day ticket for only $99. Both Cedar Point an...