the end is the beginning

Friday night the sunset was this brilliant array of colors. I went outside to take a picture, and obviously the phone camera didn't do it any justice at all. It didn't even look like the same sky I was seeing.  I don't want this blog to turn into just my log of coronavirus problems, but some odd things happened over the weekend and since this is my form of documentation, here it goes. I guess I don't need to apologize or anything. No one is forcing anyone to come back and read this. It's all just so fascinating to me. Yes, it sucks that so many people are dealing with chronic issues right now. But I'm trying to see it all from a scientific angle. I want to know why these things are happening to us. Was it intentional? Maybe.  Anyway, I had the book Firefly Lane in my library app queue for over 6 months. One weekend a couple months ago Peppy was working and I ended up bingeing the first season of Firefly Lane on Netflix. When my turn for the book came, I went ah...

It is my personal belief that we are in our last generation but people are too distracted to see. I realize that the bible says no one will know the exact time of his return, but Jesus did give us signs that would come to pass. The Lord in his infinite wisdom has shown us the end from the beginning. When Jesus walked the earth many scholars and rabbis refused to see the truth. I think the signs are glaring in our face right now, but people still cannot see. I'm not trying to fear monger, although we all should fear standing in front of the Lord if he doesn't know who we are.  Every single day for almost six years I have prayed that the Lord will continue to open my eyes to the truth of the world. Once my reality was shattered after my experience with meditation, I realized that I knew absolutely nothing, but I earnestly desired to know the truth. I didn't care if I found out things I thought were true were actually lies. I didn't mind being wrong. I just wanted to under...

If the all seeing eye and pyramid on the dollar bill weren't enough to tip you off, here's more proof that the United States was formed with occult beliefs in mind. That eagle doesn't mean freedom. It's a symbol for Horus, or Ra, or the sun god. Whatever way you prefer to look at it. It's all one in the same. It's all being hidden in plain sight. If you see, you cannot unsee. Here's a game: take various denominations of money and ask yourself "Why was this particular item included?" Everything is there for a reason. Or another game: turn on a kids' tv show and see just how many occult symbols you can find. You might be surprised at what you see.   Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. -Ephesians 5:11 *I've noticed that a few things that were considered conspiracy theory last year are now getting some traction in the mainstream media. Why is the  Wuhan lab leak   theory suddenly being taken seriousl...

Oh, just when I think I've reached a turning point, new symptoms pop up. I'm beginning to think this might just be a chronic, cyclical pattern for many of us. So a couple weeks ago I mentioned how everything smelled and tasted like a baked taco shell. Somehow baked taco shell has morphed into this sour, sick smell and taste that I can only describe as tasting exactly like a nursing home smells. That sounds awful, and I'm not trying to be cruel, but if you've ever been to a nursing home you know the smell I'm talking about. It's not constant for me, but it's kind of lingering in the background like a specter. I can smell it on me, in my brain, all around me. It follows me wherever I go. Inside, outside, it doesn't matter. No one else can smell it, so I know it's all 'in my head,' although that doesn't make it any less real to me. Yesterday I had a metallic taste in the back on my mouth, but that's gone this morning. It's getting ha...

I believe that a long, long time ago some angels came to earth. It was their job to help teach humans things. Some of them did what they were told, but others didn't and they cohabitated with humans, resulting in the nephilim. What if there was more truth to the Greek myths than actual myth? My whole life I've heard "Angels can't procreate! That idea is blasphemous." Ok. Yes, but didn't Jesus have an earth body while he was here? Isn't in the realm of possibility that an angel might be given an earth body when it is visiting this planet? Plus, there is this verse:  "The nephilim** (giants) were on earth in those days- and also afterwards-when the sons of God came into the daughters of men and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men of old, the men of renown." Genesis 6:4 I believe that these angels have been interacting with people since the beginning of humanity, and they are what we have come to see as aliens. Our ancestors saw th...

Can you get vertigo from head banging? I may have listened to the entire Offspring Americana album Wednesday while making pancakes. I am always surprised, and a little amused, at my ability to recall all the lyrics to songs I listened to when I was 14, because now it is very rare that I would listen to anything new enough times to memorize it. But anyway, I may have gone a little overboard because I woke up yesterday with vertigo, which I can remember only having one other time in my life. I think I'm ok now, except for bending down, although I do now have U2 'Vertigo,' in my head. Well, only the chorus, because that's all I know.  * Mystery illness   in Brunswick, Canada. This is a super interesting article. I was reading the symptoms and thought that it's a lot of the same things I'm dealing with. But then when I read on to the copied article from the Washingington Post, it almost seems like rabies, or some parasitic host that destroys your brain.  *More and m...

Every day I am so happy to be in this house. I know I've said it before, but I can't decide if I'm more thankful for the laundry room, my bathroom, or the dishwasher. It's a close call, honestly. It was around this time last year that Peppy and I really started looking at floorplans. So surreal that it's been a year. Time has simultaneously flown by and stood still. I love the backyard. When the blinds are open it feels like we're in a cabin in the woods. It reminds me of the huge window in the RV. We don't have much in our bedroom, but that's ok because I use the extra space to hula hoop.  The only thing we've done differently to the bathroom is hang up some towel rods. It's so great to have two full sized bathrooms again.  We let the kids pick out everything for their rooms. This picture was taken back in February and Owsley now has a bookshelf with a lava lamp and all these led lights that he's added to his desk, so his room usually looks ...

So I'm at this weird spot in my faith where I cannot rely on feelings or emotions because I have none. It is a strange place for me to be, not because I always rely on my feelings as the truth, but because my emotions made me who I am. And compared to the person I was on December 23rd, I feel like someone completely different now. I know God is there, I still believe, but it feels different. I don't exactly know how to explain it other than I am keenly aware that something is missing. I am grateful for the past six years of scripture study, because now when I read it's like I cannot find that vast world in my head. I can't focus on the words and the comprehension isn't always there anymore either. There's a heavy block firmly placed on top of my brain that keeps me from ascending into my higher levels of consciousness. I know that sounds all woo woo, but this is all new to me too, and that's the best way to explain it. I just cannot for the life of me level ...

I saw these yesterday, and now I'm kind of obsessed with these wall terrariums.  I'm going to go ahead and post this round up, because some of these links are almost a week old. We had our first day of summer break yesterday. Gage insisted that we go to Kung fu Tea, where he proceeds to order an expensive Oreo slush-which might be the only non tea item on the menu- and then only drinks half of it, and sends me death glares when I suggest that maybe we shouldn't just waste things. We ran some errands, and then Owsley and I baked some banana bread and threw some burritos at each other. All in a day's work.  * Bite proof clothing?   Sounds like they are gearing up for the zombie apocalypse.  *Scottish pedophile's research was  funded by Bill Gates. *A  remote control  that can manipulate the brain and behavior? Science fiction is quickly becoming reality. And if these are the things we are allowed to hear about, imagine the technologies that exist that be...

Mother's Day picture, a week late. We finished school on Friday, which hasn't really sunk in yet. But I feel pretty proud that no one had to die while I was teaching Owsley long division. We have earned our Summer break, and so far on the agenda is watching 12 seasons of Ancient Aliens. (I mean, we will *hopefully* do more than that. I'm just saying that our schedule is mostly freeeeeeeee.) My kids have a lot of Peppy's personality traits, but when it comes down their interests, they are fully immersed into the weird stuff like me. I appreciate that they enjoy watching things like this with me. Over four months post covid here, and I feel like I could be starting to see the reprieve for good. Maybe you're over these updates. I'm basically just doing it for documentation. Last year I was so good about writing in a legit paper journal, and then I got covid and spent most of those early days like a zombie lurking around in a fog. I do believe blogging has been good...

I logged onto instagram for the first time in over two months earlier this week. I have a friend in India and had been thinking about him. So I reached out and asked him how he was, and if the news about the second wave outbreak in India was true.  And now the Indian variant also includes a rare  black fungus. You'd have to be living under a rock to have missed the announcement yesterday that any American that is vaccinated doesn't have to wear a mask anymore, which comes just weeks after the CDC said you still needed to wear a mask even after you were vaccinated. Which is it guys? I think they are intentionally causing confusion. Anyway.....I guess in a few weeks time in the US we will find out if vaccine shedding is true because if it is, we will have a huge influx in cases. Right now the vaccination rate in America is only 36.3% with 119 million people fully vaccinated. What a great way to spread a virus, by unsuspecting vaccinated people! And an ever better way to draw the...

I don't really think Melinda Gates is actually Kevin Kline, but man, the similarities in facial features between those two pictures is pretty crazy. It is also a little odd that Bill Gates' ex girlfriend, that he still went on vacations with every year, is married to Kevin Kline's brother. Also strange that Melinda Gates didn't look so....manly....in years past. *I ended up watching  Sheep Among Wolves II  and it was a wonderful documentary about the underground church in Iran. I know I have been moved to pray for courage and strength for our brothers and sisters in Muslim countries. Their faith in the face of suffering and persecution is beautiful.  *Covid immunity from having the actual virus likely  lasts for years.  I know there have been stories of people having reinfection, but I figured most of us were probably still carrying antibodies for a while. *Commentary on how the government keeps   experimenting on its citizens.   It's been going on for...

Remember renting VHS tapes? And the absolute agony of putting the tape in and immediately seeing the end credits? The person before you wasn't kind. They didn't rewind.  This post has nothing to do with that.  I participate in a few daily devotionals that my friend Stacy sets up for a group of us, and it seems like the reoccurring theme lately has been kindness. Then last Sunday our evening church service started back up, and the lesson was on being kind and finding joy in those around you. I feel like this theme is following me everywhere, and it's especially prevalent for me considering I'm still not really feeling anything. How can I find joy when I currently have the inability to feel much of anything?  I am an introvert. This comes as no surprise. I am either quiet and observing, or I'm a million miles away in some place where no other human can reach. I can definitely get obnoxious and silly, depending on my company (or in my solitude,) but for the most part I...

My friend sent me a video on  radical faith in the underground church   and it led me to the documentary Sheep Among Wolves . The Lord is waking up his people in Muslim communities, and man is it inspiring. Jesus is visiting people in dreams and people are having visions. One man reportedly was visited by a random glowing man for many nights who told him to write down what he was saying, and he ended up writing down the entire book of John.  "In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams." Acts 2:17 I know some people might balk at that and say that is impossible. But maybe God isn't moving in those people's lives in miraculous ways because they just don't believe? Perhaps eastern cultures are moving in ways that western culture is not because we are prideful and have been conditioned to deny the Lord's power. And to some degree, it...

So this morning a prayer at the food bank was given, and part of it mentioned that the people who were not vaccinated would open up their hearts and become vaccinated to help end the pandemic. Fairly certain I was the only unvaccinated person in the room, although the person saying the prayer didn't know that.  Here's the thing. I truly believe we are all convicted in different ways. Some of us feel like we shouldn't touch alcohol at all, while other christians are ok with a drink. Some of us are more convicted when it comes to modesty. Some of us are convicted to become missionaries. And some of us are convicted to not celebrate any holidays. I have prayed and prayed and prayed about this vaccine, and my family and I will not be getting the covid vaccine. I also believe there are others that have prayed and have been convicted to get the vaccine for various reasons. The problems lies when we begin to judge people for their decisions instead of continuing in fellowship with...

Top picture was from back in November the day the house was delivered, and I took the bottom picture yesterday. For months I had imagined what it would be like when the trees finally bloomed, and it's really so amazing to see so much greenery out of all of the windows. The grass has really started coming in just over the past couple of weeks. I've always got the blinds pulled up to let all the light and green in. You can hear a plethora of different kinds of birds, crickets, and frogs. I love it. I just need some hanging plants in the kitchen.  Now that Peppy has more time we can get started on some projects. We've ordered a carport and we plan to put some bushes and shrubs around the underpinning. We also want to get some more gravel so it's easier to turn around in the driveway. I feel bad for the mail people who not only have to make it past the moat gator (Joey,) but then have to reverse down the long, long driveway. Right now we just have the wooden stairs that cam...